m a l o C o

Entangled

2011-10-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

Entangled

Sometimes one would just find himself or herself in a situation one cannot simply escape from -- i.e. school requirements or corporate demands, expectations from family or peers, or purely the result of a bad decision from the distant past... Even though how much effort one extends, you just cannot entangle your self from it.

i moved to http://maloco.multiply.com

2008-06-22T21:53:00.000+08:00

i moved to http://maloco.multiply.com

Chocolate War

2007-06-30T10:02:00.000+08:00

I was on my way to the AVR to teach a class of third year students when I saw EJ, an English teacher, who was at that time preparing his learning activities at the Mac Laboratory. He offered me a dvd copy of The Chocolate War. He suggested that I watch it but he expressed caution since the film, and even the novel from which it was based, was, to say the least, controversial. The novel, penned by Robert Cormier, was banned in the U.S. for some time.

The Chocolate War is set in a Catholic boys' prep school. Jerry, a new student, finds himself at odds with Bro. Leon -- the acting administrator of the school. He refuses to sell chocolates at the school's annual fund raising activity which was Bro. Leon's pet project. Jerry's lack of alacrity brings the ire of the school administrator. So, Bro. Leon teams up with Archie, one of the leaders in the school underground fraternity, to make Jerry's life, literally, a living hell. But the uncompromising Jerry stands his ground.

There are different levels to winnow through the story. One commentator suggests that the film "explores the cruelty and betrayal of adolescence."

It did.

It brings light to my present state as a nouveau éducateur. A month has already passed, almost, from the day I first started teaching. I realize that this is not easy stuff. I find dealing and relating with students half my age a very challenging task. It is not easy to relate with adolescents -- well, my adolescent years were not easy also. At one time, I was saying to myself that I ought to visit my high school alma mater and say sorry to the teachers for whom I brought about headaches and heartaches. There isjust so much energy and gusto in teenagers. It is difficult to get their attention and to make them focus on the task at hand.

And I think the commentator is right to say so. There is cruelty and betrayal in adolescence. But it is not because adolescents are cruel. It is just not easy for them. In their eyes, life is difficult. Family concerns, pressures from peers, stress brought about by the future, relationships, identity crisis converge in this area of their life.

Life, for them and as it was for me, is difficult. More than a chocolate war, they are in a war.

As an educator, building trust is of high importance. Sincerity is necessary. In the end it is not about discipline or making their crooked lines straight. It is about journeying with them, nurturing the light. To be an educator, is to be a beacon of hope for them.

Turned Thirty

2007-05-03T20:38:00.000+08:00

I just turned thirty last April 30. And as I look back at the past years, I say to myself that I have no regrets. I had have my own share of shortcomings and pieces of pitfalls. But I remain grateful for all those things. Deo gratias! Semper Deo gratias! I think I would not be where, what and who I am had I not coursed through the years of joy, of love, of pain, of tears.

And below are thirty things I learned for the past thirty years.

1. Prayer is very important.
2. Be at peace with yourself.
3. You are God's greatest gift for you and for all your love ones.
4. Keep a journal.
5. A few, good friends are enough.
6. You do not need to please everyone.
7. Read, read and read.
8. Engage with people.
9. Do not be afraid to say, "I love you."
10. Share what you have learned.
11. Attitude matters but it is not enough.
12. Work counts.
13. Passion and rigor is necessary in whatever field you are.
14. Crying is for everyone.
15. Letting go of persons and things are part of the process.
16. Leave a legacy -- it need not be grandiose. It suffices that you touched one soul.
17. It helps to know that I am not superman. I can only do much.
18. Be thankful.
19. Surf, surf, and surf.
20. Blogging is great.
21. Friendster is interesting.
22. What I mean is, get in touch with old friends.
23. Take time to listen to good music, drink a cup of coffee and read a good book.
24. Jogging helps.
25. Treat your parents to a movie and a wonderful dinner.
26. Go for an annual retreat.
27. There is nothing wrong in watching a movie by yourself.
28. Pamper yourself.
29. Sing in the bathroom.
30. Life is short. Live it to the full. Deo gloria; Homo vivens.

Now, its time to look forward for the next thirty years.

A Birdwatcher's Flight

2007-04-26T17:36:00.000+08:00

This is a reprint from Windhover's second quarter issue of 2005.

Some men captivate you by the power of their words. Some attract you by the strength of their minds. Few draw you by their mere presence. And Charlie’s presence is both power and strength. A fellow scholastic, on seeing Fr. Charlie basking in the morning sunshine, confides, “ I would want to age and grow old in the Society [of Jesus].”

Even at the age of eighty-five, Charlie infects Jesuits with his serenity. His calmness is contagious. A former novice remembers him as the “man with a red cap strolling at Doyle’s walk – ever constant in his rhythmical cadence. He seems to be undisturbed by any pressing concern. He seems to be seized by his present moment.” The former novice adds, “there is so much gentleness in this man’s heart.” I wonder what makes him such. Probably, it has something to do with the sparrows or the swallows.

When I was in the Novitiate, Charlie was known in the community as the Birdwatcher. It was Scholastic Terence Ang from whom I first heard that endearment. He easily identified those winged creatures. And Charlie knew them by their names.

His love for the birds started quite early in his life. He grew up in a country place – Ant Hills in Pennsylvania where there were lots of, as Charlie himself described, “fields, trees and flowers around” – a good nesting place for the sparrows and swallows and their broods. The naming of the birds was a “family interest.” Charlie shared that, “several members of the family were really interested… they knew a lot about birds… we would be up and walking together… someone would call out, ‘There is a sparrow hawk!’ Then, we would hear the sparrow hawk and see it fly. So I began to identify the birds…”

Like his vocation to the Society, someone called out, not for crying out loud but through letters. At an early age, Charlie wanted to become a priest. “There were good diocesan priests in our place,” Charlie observed. But it was clear to him that he desired to become a religious. He did not study in any Jesuit school. He finished his primary studies at the Mount Aloysius Academy and his secondary studies at the Altoona Catholic High School. He did not know of any Jesuit priest at that time. But his elder brother’s best friend was a certain Bill Rively. Better yet, Bill Rively, nSJ. Bill had been sending letters to Charlie’s family regarding his life in the novitiate. From Bill, he learned of the Jesuits and the activities novices do in the novitiate. His interest in the Society began and at the age of seventeen, he entered the novitiate of St. Isaac Jogues in Wernersville, Pennsylvania.

Charlie and Bill became good friends. So when Bill was sent to the missions the correspondence between the two continued. Charlie might have been touched and edified with what he read. He expressed his intent to go to the mission. In August of 1941, he reached the shores of the Philippines to do his philosophy studies in Sacred Heart Novitiate in Novaliches. The war broke out. Charlie and most of the American missionaries were sent to Los Baños as prisoners of war. There were stories about the prison camp that had seen print but for Charlie all he had to say about it was this: “it had its consolations and desolations.”

After the war, he went back to Pennsylvania to do his regency in Scranton Preparatory School. For two years, he taught Religion, Latin, English and French. Then he studied theology at Woodstock. In June of 1949, he was ordained to the priesthood. He did his Tertianship in Auriesville, New York.

Seven years after the war, he returned to the Philippines. The first few years, he shaped the minds of college students from Ateneo de Naga and Zamboanga. He taught them Language, Philosophy and Theology. He even moderated the Dramatic Society in Naga. In the years that followed, he formed the hearts of our young men. He taught Latin grammar to the Novices. He was even made the Director of Formation of our Jesuit Brothers for the whole Philippine Province. Then, Fr. De la Costa assigned Charlie as the Master of Novices. He was, in the words of one of his former novices, “quite liberal.” “I was just,” he said, “continuing the programs Mike had set in place.”

In the years that followed, he touched and healed the souls of those who came to him. As a man of the Spiritual Exercises, he facilitated retreats. As a fellow Jesuit, he is our spiritual father. “Thank God for the gift of faith,” Charlie would say to those who would go for confession to him. I think this is where his power gets its source. Charlie’s strength is something that can not be stolen. To the God who notices even the single sparrow that falls to the ground, I thank Him for the gift of Charlie, a man of faith. A man whose deep trust in the Lord is articulated by his mere presence. It exudes and overflows. And it touches the hearts of those who see him.

Charlie died last Wednesday, 25th of April 2007, at two in the morning. We lost a good man here on earth. But we thank God for the gift of faith, heaven gained a saint.

Splash Island

2007-04-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

smile

2007-03-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

Take a Bat!

2007-03-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

It happened yesterday.

I strolled along the empty

hallway beside the Oratory.
I saw a bat sleeping on its butt.
"An interesting sight,"
I told myself.
It was the first time I saw a bat
sleeping on its butt --
a bat on its butt.

Regency Assignment

2007-02-27T09:44:00.000+08:00

thanks to errol nebrao, s.j.

The Lenten Season

2007-02-19T10:06:00.000+08:00

Lent is a preparation for the celebration of Easter. For the Lenten liturgy disposes both catechumens and the faithful to celebrate the paschal mystery: catechumens, through the stages of Christian initiation; the faithful, through reminders of their own baptism and through penitential services.

Some Notes on the Lenten Season
(lifted from the Jesuit Ordo of the Philippine Province)

1. The Sundays of Lent are so important that not even a solemnity can take their place. Solemnities occurring on these Sundays are observed on the Saturday preceding.

2. The weeks of Lent from Ash Wednesday to the Saturday before Palm Sunday take precedence over the memorials of saints, which may be celebrated only according to the norms established by liturgical statutes.

3. The Alleluia is always omitted where it is found in the Liturgy of the Hours and in the celebration of the Mass.

4. The Te Deum and the Gloria are suppressed except on solemnities and feasts, and also on festive occasions.

5. In the Office: the antiphon at the Invitatory, hymn at the Office of Readings, Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer, and the antiphon at Daytime Prayer and Night Prayer are found the proper of this Season.

6. Flowers and decorations at the altar are prohibited; the organ and other musical instruments may be used only to accompany the singing, except on Laetare Sunday (4th Sunday of Lent) and during solemnities and feasts.

7. Catholics are obliged to fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday and are to abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday, Good Friday and all the Fridays of Lent. We are also reminded, as stipulated in the Code of Canon Law, that there are other works and means of doing penance: prayer, acts of self-denial, almsgiving and works of personal charity. Attending Mass daily or several times a week, praying the rosary, making the way of the cross, teaching the illiterate to read, reading to the blind, helping at a soup kitchen, visiting the sick and shut-ins and giving an overworked mother a break by baby-sitting—all of these can be even more meaningful and demanding than simply abstaining from meat on Friday.

May you have a meaningful and Christ-centered Lenten season this year.

Looking Up...

2007-02-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

... and a little bit drunk.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

2007-01-31T17:18:00.000+08:00

I never enjoyed waiting.

Jess Paul and I arrived in a radio station along EDSA Avenue at a quarter past one in the afternoon. We were supposed to meet with a group working for good governance and clean election. The meeting was scheduled at one thirty in the afternoon.

They arrived at almost three p.m.

It is just a sad state -- to see people work and labor to demand the government and other institutions to abide to high standards of leadership. Yet we find ourselves lacking and almost a slack in simple standards of living -- i.e., punctuality.

So, when and where does change begin? I can only re-echo what a Bishop said, "it is character change." But, this would be a long wait. I think it would take longer than the institutional reforms we are demanding from our leaders.

Food Trip

2007-01-27T10:40:00.000+08:00

Abé... where good friends dine
serving an unlimited rice

Over the weekend, I, together with Bhong and Koko, were taken to a food trip by my mom and sister in Abé. It is located on the ground level of Serendra Circle at the Fort. Vanessa Escano writes of the resto,

The founder and president of the LJC Group of Restaurants (Café Adriatico, Café Havana, Bollywood), Mr. Larry J. Cruz (LJC), pays homage to his father, Abe Cruz, and his works through the founding of Abe restaurant. Respected writer and artist Emilio Aguilar “Abe” Cruz (1915-1991) was considered a bon vivant and gastronome in his time. This Manila-born Capampangan has literally eaten his way around the world, a result of his position as ambassador for UNESCO in the 70’s. Abe’s menu reflects a selection of his Filipino favorites, from old Binondo to his favorite Capampangan dishes and other regional recipes as well. In addition, Abe’s foodie artist and writer friends have shared their favorite recipes with the restaurant, such as Thelma San Juan with her mother’s Rellenong Mais.

The establishment itself is worth a visit because it is the only circular structure in Serendra, offering its guests with a wide and panning view of pedestrian and commercial activity – perfect for Sunday afternoon people watching. Additionally, Abe’s art works, drawings and memorabilia, can be found throughout the restaurant, along with vintage photographs and rare Philippine wood and panels. The contemporary feel and well-selected background music completes the dining experience for everyone in the family.

SERVED WITH LOVE

Offering a wide variety of dishes, Abe restaurant presents its clients with sophisticated, elegant and traditional Capampangan food, in addition to its old Binondo, Filipino and World dishes. Mr. LJC himself vets every dish on the menu to make sure that each one has been prepared carefully and served with love.

The must tries are the Paco Fern and Tomato Salad (P130.00, appetizing greens with salted egg, tomato and vinaigrette dressing); Spicy Sisig Pampanga(P155.00, minced pork jowl and chicken livers sautéed in garlic that’s great with rice); Cassoulet (P375.00, a French-style duck stew that captivated the ambassador during his diplomatic stint); Pastel de Lengua (P295.00,. tender and savory ox tongue cooked to perfection and matches flawlessly with its tasty pie crust topping). Match these dishes with a Tamarind Shake(P110.00) or Ambassador Cooler (P99.00, mango, dayap & guava with fizz). For rice lovers out there, unlimited servings are to be had for only P45.00. Most dishes are good for 2 to 3 people.

Job Vacancy

2007-01-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

Society of Jesus Social Apostolate (SJSA) Secretariat
ISO Annex, Social Development Complex
Ateneo de Manila University Campus
Katipunan Avenue, Quezon City, Philippines

The Society of Jesus Social Apostolate (SJSA) is, a network of 27 Jesuit-Lay social apostolate units in the Philippines doing various development programs and projects for the empowerment of the Filipino poor and marginalized sectors of society. SJSA was established in 1989 to facilitate networking, information exchange and dialogue, pooling of resources and to consolidate the gains of the various Jesuit social apostolates nationwide. The SJSA Secretariat provides network assistance for its partner institutes engaged in research, policy formulation, lobbying and advocacy. Our partner institutes are also in the business of awareness building, capability building, grassroots mobilization and resource accessing. Our partnership shares in the heritage of the Ignatian Spirituality and the four-fold thrust of faith-justice-inculturation-dialogue.

Position Title: Program Assistant (full-time)

Tasks:

Program Documentation

Transcription of workshop proceedings, minutes of meetings
Summarization and synthesis of proceedings of meetings, workshops, fora

Data gathering and compilation, including field work

Information Networking

Website review and update

Crafting of Communications Plan

Project Proposal Review

Events Organizing (meetings, workshops, conferences)

Qualifications:

College graduate

Any four-year course
1-2 years of work experience

Proficiency in oral and written English
Organizing and planning skills
High degree of service orientation
Good interpersonal skills
Good team player
Good moral character

Interested applicants may submit their résumé at the above address or email them to sjsasec@admu.edu.ph.

For more information, please call Rina Garcia at 426-5991 or at 426-6001 loc. 4867.

At the Pen

2006-12-24T11:08:00.000+08:00

Kim and I penned our thesis together in college. We did it in two weeks time, as in two weeks before graduation day. We both agreed that it was not something we are both proud of, for the result of our labor was something which our Dean described as "haphazardly done." But we never regretted the partnership. There are things better than erudition and intellectual scholarship -- we were then in the last stages of our teenage years.

Kim was the acoustics and percussion guy in our group. I remember him playing the guitar every after lunch -- either in the verandah of the study hall or in the Aula Magna (which was transformed in to a library). Speaking of library, he was also a voracious reader but I think it was more because of the required readings demanded of us at that time. He was also a very generous person. He would always offer his place in Pampanga when I needed to attend to some things in that area.

After college, we both took different directions. He went to Cebu. I headed for Makati to work for BPI. I saw him the year after that when I visited him in Talisay, Cebu. The second time we crossed path, I think, was two or three years ago. I visited my high school alma mater, Don Bosco Makati. He was teaching in the high school then.

We crossed path again last night at the Peninsula. We were at a classmate's wedding (Jimbo's). He played the guitar and I sang Huwag Kang Mangamba. After the wedding, again, we both took different directions. He headed back to Don Bosco Parañaque to finish his studies in theology, and hopefully, ordination in a year's time. I headed back to Loyola House to finish two papers in philosophy and a psychological report.

To my pen partner, till our roads meet again.

Kainan sa Lawa, Tanay, Rizal

2006-12-22T20:43:00.000+08:00

LHS Photo-ops

2006-12-13T08:22:00.000+08:00

a villa to remember...

2006-11-16T14:06:00.000+08:00

ISEW Workshop for the New Faculty

2006-11-12T16:44:00.000+08:00

Good Shepherd Retreat House
Antipolo, 10 to 12 November 2006

Like A House of Cards

2006-10-30T09:05:00.000+08:00

Jerry Esplanada, in his article for the Philippine Daily Inquirer, revisited the Ruby Tower incident of August 1968. In his report, an earthquake shook Isabela at around four in the morning of August 2, 1968. The quake rolled through an 800 kilometer stretch from Aparri in Cagayan to Samar in a matter of 33 seconds. The Daily Mirror reported that more than 140 aftershocks were felt within a 15-hour period after the major quake. Fires triggered by the tremor hit the South Harbor and Feati University. But the six-story Ruby Tower apartment-building on Doroteo Jose and Teodora Alonzo streets in Sta. Cruz, Manila, collapsed like a house of cards.

I was not yet born when it happened.
But that livid story remains vivid in my memory.

When I was a child, Papa told me stories. He was one good story-teller. He would tell me of secret caves in Makati City where Japanese soldiers used to hide. One time, I remember how we would re-tell me of a picture where a gorilla, the size of a hand, sat on my lola's shoulders. He also told me of some of his escapades (I intend not to put it into writing so as not to incriminate my Dad).

But there was this story. He was on his way home from school. He was then studying in the University of Santo Tomas taking up Electrical Engineering. He passed by Sta. Cruz, Manila to pick-up some goodies for lola. When he reached Sta. Cruz, the streets were terribly panicky -- people were rushing and howling. "Ang gulo-gulo nuon at ang ingay-ingay. Maalikabok pa!" Papa said. "Nagtutulakan ang mga tao nuon. Nuong una, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit. Ayun pala, gumuho yung Ruby Tower," he added. I think Papa was no longer able to get the goodies he was to bring to Lola. He ended up carrying and removing stones and debris at the corner of Doroteo Jose and Alonzo in Sta. Cruz, Manila.

It “crumpled as if a giant foot had stomped on it, the Ruby Tower was a mass of twisted steel and concrete with an estimated 600 to 800 occupants still trapped inside,” the Daily Mirror reported. When rescue operations ended on Aug. 9, 1968, the official death toll stood at 268. Many of the dead were never identified. But many came to help, most of them nameless; nameless faces helping those helpless victims.

But there was one whom I know. And, I remember him today.

The Banquet

2006-10-29T09:06:00.000+08:00

Dimple and I left Loyola House's mini-banquet at five past eight to catch the last-full-show of The Banquet at the Gateway in Cubao. We arrived a little bit too early -- for movie begins at 9:40 p.m. While waiting, Dimple took me out for a cup of coffee at my favorite espresso nook -- Figaro.

I started getting addicted to coffee only after College. I was, then, a rookie in the Bank of the Philippine Islands. I was into Leasing and I did not know anything about finance and accounting. I was a fresh graduate who majored in Literature and I was terribly illiterate with present and future values, ratios and debits and credits. But I remember Mike and Sammy, who were both accounting majors. The two would bring me out for breakfast at Figaro in the Cattleya Condominium just to share their thoughts and know-hows on financial analysis, ratios, etc... I enjoyed those times -- a free lecture and the tab was always on them.

It was nice to be new.

***

But The Banquet was old. It was old China. And the plot was old -- it was almost like Shakepeare's Hamlet. However, the movie, in and by itself, was compelling. The Kung-Fu fanfare plus the courtly intrigues, the multi-faceted affairs (the sensual and the political) were riveting. Zhang Ziyi's (or Ziyi Zhang) innocence, frostiness, manipulative-ness were beguiling. She was Empress Wan, "a young and beautiful woman whose skill with a sword is legendary in the nation. Wan is locked in a hollow marriage to the Emperor but harbours a devastating secret love for the introverted and melancholic Prince Wu Luan (played by Chinese idol Daniel Wu). Once her childhood sweetheart, Wu Luan is now her stepson. When the Emperor dies suddenly, his conniving younger brother Li (Ge You) assumes the throne. The savvy Wan immediately sees through Li’s murderous ambition and knows that Wu Luan’s days are numbered. In a calculated bid to save her love and maintain her own position, she concedes to marry Li, who has surreptitiously dispatched guards to assassinate his nephew."

The Banquet is about the sumptuous of desires – power, sex, love. These are the very things that propels the characters "deeper and deeper into labyrinths of their own making. It grabs hold of us and we hurtle headlong through opulent conspiracies, flashing swords and bodies swirling in brilliantly choreographed combat and hidden embraces."

This is one banquet I would not forget.

The SJSA Workshop in Monte Vista

2006-10-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

The SJSA Workshop in Monte Vista

2006-10-26T16:36:00.000+08:00

Apologia Pro Vita Sua

2006-10-21T09:53:00.000+08:00

Good news! Good news!

I was in College when I read John Henry Newman's Apologia Pro Vita Sua -- in defense of my life, that is, if my latin still serves me well.The opus, first published in 1864, was Newman's thoughts on Orthodoxy and the Catholic faith. He was responding to the attacks made by Charles Kingsley. Kingsley wrote, "Truth, for its own sake had never been a virtue with the Roman clergy. Father Newman informs us that it need not, and on the whole ought not to be." Remember that Kingsley was an Anglican; and Newman was an Anglican priest who converted to Catholicism.

The Apologia was my first encounter with his thoughts. I followed his mind in the Grammar of Assent, the Idea of a University. After college, I lost interest in his works -- for I was more preoccupied with the mundane, the secular. I got back to him only during the second half of my novitiate years. It was a good five years after graduation from College. When Jody, a fellow Jesuit, left for the next stage of our formation program, he gifted me with the Newman Reader. It was almost three years ago. I have not yet finished reading it. But just this morning, I read from John Allen of NCR that Newman is a step closer to sainthood.

And, that is good news, at least for me. Probably I have an extra reason to re-read his work.

tolle, lege

2006-10-16T17:55:00.000+08:00

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

It was about four in the afternoon when I started leafing through the pages of Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. I was riding on the Victory Liner, headed for Pampanga. I recall an old woman sitting at my side with her grandchild on her lap. But that is what I could only remember on that day. The faces of the old woman, of the child were hazy for my memory. But not this book, not for this book. I was just too absorbed at the sadness that haunted me as I read through its pages. This was memory, a memory of melancholy, of melancholies.

The night was cold. It was Christmas of 2003 when John, Joan's husband and partner of forty years, died. At the same time, Quintana, Joan's daughter was gravely ill.

The Year of Magical Thinking penned a very vivid, intimate account of Joan's grief. It was mourning incarnate.

In the book, Quintana seemed to recover. However, she died of complications from acute pancreatitis on August 26, 2005, in New York City at age 39. The New York Times reported that Didion would not change the book to reflect her daughter's death.

"It's finished," Joan said.

Life changes fast.
Life changes in the instant.
You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.

saglit lang

2006-10-11T07:52:00.000+08:00

Lit
Grotto
Baguio

saglit lang

2006-10-11T07:39:00.000+08:00

Abandoned
In A Nook in Mirador
Baguio City

Remembering Migraines

2006-10-10T10:30:00.000+08:00

I think more than a year had passed since my last migraine. So I think. Well, that is what I think. That is what I could recall.

But who would want to remember migraines?

I have had migraines since second year high school.

Migraines are like headaches but they are not just like your usual headache. It always, at least for me, begin with a crystal-like formation. I would see small flags of varying colors, like a kaleidoscope. It would move in my vision -- circling, spiraling -- for a good fifteen to thirty minutes. But when the parade of flags ends and when the crystals fade, the pain surfaces. I could feel a certain portion of my brain pulsating and throbbing, as if a vein or something inside of my head is expanding. It feels like a thousand toothache plus another ache. I would feel like vomiting. It is just debilitating. When it makes its attack, I am always left on my bed, in tears for a pain I can't run away from. It is just one of those moments wherein you just want it to fade away into the thin air.

But who would want to recall, to remember pains that just would, could not fade away?

It is final exams week. I do not need a migraine. So, help me God.

sandali lang

2006-10-02T14:56:00.000+08:00

Hide and Seek
Tagbilaran
Bohol

sandali lang

2006-10-02T14:51:00.000+08:00

An Archangel
Holy Angel University
Angeles City, Pampanga

tolle, lege

2006-10-02T10:49:00.000+08:00

Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

Sedaris reminds me of the word sardonic. His humor is witty and hilarious but poisonous. A critic from Times Literary has said that, "No one renders the pathos, chaos, and impossible variety of daily encounters like David Sedaris... He is bruisingly painful and tenderly affectionate." "He illuminates the human condition, catching us off guard while we laugh our heads off," writes Ann Hood. His scornful derision and bitter irony is focused to him and his family. It is self-deprecating. Kim Bunce writes, "Not only does he possess a cracking sense of humor and literary style, but he excels as the butt of his own jokes."

While reading it, the questions that pestered my mind were, "Is this guy for real? Are the stories he was writing about his family true? Or, is he just making a big joke out of it?" But after the last page, I quipped to myself, "Either David is telling the truth or not, I have my own story to grapple and wrestle with." So I asked myself, "How much of my very own family's imperfections can I stomach?"

Below is an article he did for the New Yorker. It is one of my favorites. It is actually my first encounter with Sedaris's works.

LET IT SNOW

Winters were frustratingly mild in North Carolina, but the year I was in the fifth grade we got lucky. Snow fell, and, for the first time in years, it accumulated. School was cancelled, and two days later we got lucky again. There were eight inches on the ground, and, rather than melting, it froze. On the fifth day of our vacation, my mother had a little breakdown. Our presence had disrupted the secret life she led while we were at school, and when she could no longer take it she threw us out. It wasn’t a gentle request but something closer to an eviction. “Get the hell out of my house,” she said.

We reminded her that it was our house, too, and she opened the front door and shoved us into the carport. “And stay out!” she shouted.

My sisters and I went down the hill and sledded with other children from the neighborhood. A few hours later, we returned home, surprised to find that the door was locked. “Oh, come on,” we said. I rang the bell, and when no one answered we went to the window and saw our mother in the kitchen, watching television. Normally she waited until five o’clock to have a drink, but for the past few days she’d been making an exception. Drinking didn’t count if you followed a glass of wine with a cup of coffee, and so she had a goblet and a mug positioned before her on the countertop.

“Hey!” we yelled. “Open the door. It’s us.” We knocked on the pane and, without looking in our direction, she refilled her goblet and left the room.

“That bitch,” my sister Lisa said. We pounded again and again, and when our mother failed to answer we went around back and threw snowballs at her bedroom window. “You are going to be in so much trouble when Dad gets home!” we shouted, and in response my mother pulled the drapes. Dusk approached, and as it grew colder it occurred to us that we could possibly die. It happened, surely. Selfish mothers wanted the house to themselves and their children were discovered years later, frozen like mastodons in blocks of ice.

My sister Gretchen suggested that we call our father, but none of us knew his number, and he probably wouldn’t have done anything anyway. He’d gone to work specifically to escape our mother, and between the weather and her mood it could be hours, or even days, before he returned home.

“One of us should get hit by a car,” I said. “That would teach the both of them.” I pictured Gretchen, her life hanging by a thread as my parents paced the halls of Rex Hospital, wishing they had been more attentive. It was really the perfect solution. With her out of the way, the rest of us would be more valuable and have a bit more room to spread out. “Gretchen, go lie in the street.”

“Make Amy do it,” she said.

Amy, in turn, pushed it off on Tiffany, who was the youngest and had no concept of death. “It’s like sleeping,” we told her. “Only you get a canopy bed.”

Poor Tiffany. She’d do just about anything in return for a little affection. All you had to do was call her Tiff, and whatever you wanted was yours: her allowance, her dinner, the contents of her Easter basket. Her eagerness to please was absolute and naked. When we asked her to lie in the middle of the street, her only question was “Where?”

We chose a quiet dip between two hills, a spot where drivers were almost required to skid out of control. She took her place, this six-year-old in a butter-colored coat, and we gathered on the curb to watch. The first car to come along belonged to a neighbor, a fellow-Yankee who had outfitted his tires with chains and stopped a few feet from our sister’s body. “Is that a person?” he asked.

“Well, sort of,” Lisa said. She explained that we’d been locked out of our house, and, while the man appeared to accept it as a reasonable explanation, I’m pretty sure he was the one who told on us. Another car passed, and then we saw our mother, this puffy figure awkwardly negotiating the crest of the hill. She did not own a pair of pants, and her legs were buried to the calf in snow. We wanted to send her home, to kick her out of nature just as she had kicked us out of the house, but it was hard to stay angry at someone that pitiful-looking.

“Are you wearing your loafers?” Lisa asked, and in response our mother raised a bare foot.

“I was wearing loafers,” she said. “I mean, really, it was there a second ago.”

This was how things went. One moment she was locking us out of our own house and the next we were rooting around in the snow, looking for her left shoe. “Oh, forget about it,” she said. “It’ll turn up in a few days.” Gretchen fitted her cap over my mother’s foot. Lisa secured it with her scarf, and, surrounding her tightly on all sides, we made our way home.

sandali lang

2006-09-29T15:24:00.000+08:00

Ripples
Silang
Cavite

If the wind of thinking, which I shall now arouse in you, has roused you from your sleep and made you fully awake and alive, then you will see that you have nothing in your hand but perplexities, and the most we can do with them is share them with each other.

Hannah Arendt

SLB, AYOM sa Oasis

2006-09-26T10:11:00.000+08:00

God is Creating Every Person Alive

2006-09-07T14:12:00.000+08:00

Week Two No. 1

Grace:

My Lord Jesus I beg for the grace to accept my life, my world and to trust that God is continually creating me in all of these concrete particulars.

Scriptural Passages:

Matthew 1:1-17 Jesus’ family genealogy
Jeremiah 18:1-6 God shapes me as a potter shapes a pot
John 4:5-26 For the first time, Jesus announces who he is

So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of land that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there. Jesus, tired from his journey, sat down there at the well. It was about noon. A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give me a drink." His disciples had gone into the town to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, "How can you, a Jew, ask me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?" (For Jews use nothing in common with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." (The woman) said to him, "Sir, you do not even have a bucket and the cistern is deep; where then can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this cistern and drank from it himself with his children and his flocks?" Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." The woman said to him, "Sir, give me this water, so that I may not be thirsty or have to keep coming here to draw water." Jesus said to her, "Go call your husband and come back." The woman answered and said to him, "I do not have a husband." Jesus answered her, "You are right in saying, 'I do not have a husband.' For you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true." The woman said to him, "Sir, I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain; but you people say that the place to worship is in Jerusalem." Jesus said to her, "Believe me, woman, the hour is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You people worship what you do not understand; we worship what we understand, because salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship him. God is Spirit, and those who worship him must worship in Spirit and truth." The woman said to him, "I know that the Messiah is coming, the one called the Anointed; when he comes, he will tell us everything." Jesus said to her, "I am he, the one who is speaking with you" (Jn 4: 5-26).

Points for Reflection:

Jesus of Nazareth found himself a member of a captive nation. He grew up in a culture tightly circumscribed by its religion, and in a region known for religious fervor (even fanaticism). He was an ordinary worker, living from hand to mouth as laborers did and do. He was invited to say “Yes” to his life, his self, and his world, and to trust that God was creating him in all of these concrete particulars.

He had to decide, with the grace of the Holy Spirit, that God loves you as you are. Not as you might be, or could be, or even should be. But, as you are. He wholeheartedly accepted God’s acceptance of him. Because of this, he could accept people whom others despised: beggars, prostitutes, lepers. He looked upon them kindly. How you feel about such people tells a lot about how you feel about yourself and your Creator.

Like Jesus, you have to face your real self, life history, and life world. You are invited to say “Yes” to all of it. When you do, you are accepting God’s acceptance of you. “You are precious in my eyes, and I love you” (Is. 43:4).

Through faith, you know that your real self has been anointed b the Spirit, as Jesus’ was. Jesus was baptized at the Jordan and the voice of God anointed him: “This is my beloved.” You were anointed, too, at your baptism, and elected by God from eternity to say “Yes” to Jesus Christ as your own redeemer.

The faith that teaches us that God forms each human person at the point of conception, creating this unique life directly and in person. Your parents wanted a child (or at most, a girl or a boy). God wanted, and got, you.

PRAYER: God of my hopes, you weave tiny atoms and mighty forces, you draw out all times and fix every place, you shape my life, my history, and my self. I am astounded, Lord, and can hardly think how surpassingly great you are, beyond my imagining. You are still making a million galaxies, and yet, Lord of hope, you wove me together in my mother’s womb, you have attended to me every instant of my life, you have cherished me in all I have done, and you mean to cherish me forever and ever. All my trust is in you. Amen.

Source: Joseph Tetlow, S.J. (1989). Choosing Christ in the World. Saint Louis: Institute of Jesuit Sources.

the 4th of September

2006-09-03T19:21:00.000+08:00

I went out with my family to celebrate both my parents' birthday. They were both born on the same date but my dad was a year earlier. My prayers go to my Mom for continued good health and happiness in life and to my Dad for his eternal happiness.

sandali lang

2006-08-30T09:34:00.000+08:00

lutang
likod ng lutuan
Loyola House of Studies

sandali lang

2006-08-30T09:28:00.000+08:00

si headwig
Arvisu House
Quezon City

sandali lang

2006-08-27T17:18:00.000+08:00

holes
at The Osmena's Place
Cebu City

sandali lang

2006-08-27T17:07:00.000+08:00

alone
Covered Courts
Ateneo High School
Quezon City

sandali lang

2006-08-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

after a heavy rain
5th floor, Loyola House of Studies
Quezon City, Philippines

A Road Trip

2006-08-23T15:19:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, Shio and I accompanied Frs. Mike and Revs to Tagaytay. We went to visit the retreat house of the Benedictine sisters – the St. Scholastica Retreat House. Mike made his pre-ordination retreat there and wanted to make a pilgrimage-of-sort before he leaves for Boston to pursue post-graduate studies in education. We had Mass in one of the small chapels there and Fr. Revs asked each of us to share our thoughts on the Gospel.

It was a spiritual encounter.

But it was also a gastronomical experience.

After Mass, we were introduced to Sr. Bella -- the sister of Fr. Bernas. She showed us the library which she helped put up. Then, to my great delight, she accompanied us to the Dining Hall and served us with freshly baked empanada for our morning merienda and freshly squeezed dalandan juice. We left with a bag of peanuts!

Then, we headed for Silang, Cavite for lunch at the Gourmet's Cafe. There we met Frs. Mike, Mario, Tony and Peter and Bishop Fred Escaler. We were introduced to the owner of the place -- Mr. Ernie. It was a beautiful place and the food was superb. My favorite was the Bishop Burger.

Pictures below.

The Way Things Are

2006-08-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

Prayer Points for SEDL

• Consider first that God the Lord creates all things at every moment. We tend to focus on “the Big Bang” at the very beginning, or on evolving life. But God continues to create at each moment.

• Even as we grow and mature, God continues to create me out of nothing. His passionate, creative love burns at the core of my self.

• God creates me in the concrete. God chose my time and place, my parents, my gifts. God keeps shaping my humanness, my personhood and my self.

• God creates out of love – that is, God wants to share His love, to have others to love and to be loved by. I am intelligent and free so that I can love, as God loves.

• In calling me to live my special qualities and characteristics, God planted deep in my self an original purpose – the concrete expression of God’s hopes in and for me. My life is to discover in myself that original purpose – what my concrete self adds up to – and to live it out.

• If I grow to be the person God has been hoping I would become, I manifest God’s power at work, God’s glory. For the glory of God is a human person fully alive. If I know who God is and who I am, and live out that knowledge, I will praise God in the morning and thank God in the night, and intend to fulfill God’s hope for myself and for my life world.

• All creatures have such an original purpose. I am so to live among created things as to reach my own, using or not using, enjoying or not enjoying others, depending on whether they help me express my original purpose.

• Yet even in this order and harmony, the Creator courteously leaves us with freedom. We are to choose whether to keep the rightness and justness and order. Where we choose not to, we wreak havoc on earth. God surely knows this. But God’s hope has always been that humankind would live out the recognition that God always comes first, and enact that recognition in creating our life together in order and in love.

• God’s will is our peace. Not the peace of silence and death, but the quiet, humming peace of a dynamic, wonderfully orderly love. This is what God hopes for on earth. This is what God hopes for you.

Source: Joseph Tetlow, S.J. (1989). Choosing Christ in the World. Saint Louis: Institute of Jesuit Sources.

The picture of the Crucified Christ was taken in one of the small chapels in the St. Scholastica Retreat House in Tagaytay.

With ABS-CBN's Lingkod Lebanon

2006-08-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

Picture This!

2006-08-12T22:34:00.000+08:00

God Works Busily to Create and Save Us

2006-08-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

Week One No. 3

Grace:

My Lord Jesus I beg for the grace to be able to know and trust the Spirit of Life working in the world, unfolding patiently through time, attentive each moment to the world and to me.

Scriptural Passages:

Isaiah 40: 1-11 The Lord is my Shepherd
John 6: 28-40 Christ is the bread sustaining my life
Luke 12: 22-32 Jesus considered the lilies of the field

Comfort, give comfort to my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her service is at an end, her guilt is expiated; Indeed, she has received from the hand of the LORD double for all her sins. A voice cries out: In the desert prepare the way of the LORD! Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God! Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill shall be made low; The rugged land shall be made a plain, the rough country, a broad valley. Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all mankind shall see it together; for the mouth of the LORD has spoken. A voice says, "Cry out!" I answer, "What shall I cry out?" "All mankind is grass, and all their glory like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower wilts, when the breath of the LORD blows upon it. (So then, the people is the grass.) Though the grass withers and the flower wilts, the word of our God stands forever." Go up onto a high mountain, Zion, herald of glad tidings; Cry out at the top of your voice, Jerusalem, herald of good news! Fear not to cry out and say to the cities of Judah: Here is your God! Here comes with power the Lord GOD, who rules by his strong arm; Here is his reward with him, his recompense before him. Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, Carrying them in his bosom, and leading the ewes with care (Is 40: 1-11).

Points for Reflection:

Jesus once said, “My Father goes on working, and so do I” (Jn 5:17). For God is always the Creator and Lord, constantly making all things, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of the living, not of the dead (to whom no person is dead).

Some find it hard believe that God pays any attention to them or their world. You have accepted the God of Jesus Christ who “causes his sun to rise on bad men as well as good, and his rain to fall on honest and dishonest men alike” (Mt 5:45). Every day, God puts light on your face and life in your limbs.

Jesus revealed that God the Almighty and Eternal wishes to be known as a God who works tenderly as a good mother and as steadily as a good father. This is how God loves: He gives gifts, remains in his gifts, and works busily in and through them for the good of those whom he creates. And then, God shares with you even his way of loving. You can learn to love the way God loves.

Jesus declared one time that “it is the Father, living in me, who is doing this work” (Jn 14:10). He kept saying that he and the Father are united. Baptized into his life, you can and must say the same. God is working in you, giving you life and light, and through you and along with you shaping your life world.

PRAYER: I am not like those who doubt you, Lord, my God. But it may be worse for me, because I pay no attention to you working in me and in my world. I would ask you to work in me to change that, good and caring God. Then I will sense and feel your holy power in my own spirit. Amen.

Source: Joseph Tetlow, S.J. (1989). Choosing Christ in the World. Saint Louis: Institute of Jesuit Sources.

Amici Don Bosco

2006-08-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

It feels good to remember.

It was a Saturday afternoon when I headed for Amici Don Bosco in Arnaiz Avenue, Makati City. My brother, Alvin, used to call Amici the "Kiosk." Well until now, he still calls it by that name. I remember taking my lunch at the "Kiosk" when I was in High School. It was more monetarily reasonable to eat there compared to the Canteen in the School. However, at that time, we were not allowed to leave the school premises during break time. Since Amici was outside the campus, I found it fortunate to be rubbing elbows with the security guards. Honestly, ang laki ng natitipid ko from my allowance kapag duon ako kumakain. And, the food did taste great. My favorites were their sinigang na baboy and their gelato.

But now, a lot has changed. The place was cozier. Even though the place was a little bit puno, it afforded and maintained its warmth and comfort -- unlike before when it was a bit dull and too ordinary. Plus, they added pastas and pizza in their menu. It was superb, I was told.

I went to Amici to meet Carmelo, a dear and good friend from College. We were supposed to see each other by two thirty but I arrived a few minutes before two in the afternoon and I had not yet taken my lunch. Hungry to death, I was and so I told him.

I lined up at the counter not to order for what is Amici is currently known for -- pastas and pizza. But I was there to get my favorite viand.

"Manang, sinigang na baboy nga po," I asked the woman at the counter who was taking orders from their customers.

The old woman picked up a bowl. With her sandok, she mixed the soup; placed vegestables and pork in the bowl and filled it with sabaw.

"Hindi ba kumakain ka dito nuong nag-aaral ka pa sa Don Bosco?" the old woman asked.

"Opo," I replied. I smiled. I added, "Dagdagan ninyo naman po ng taba."

The old woman smiled and added an extra piece of pork in the bowl.

It did feel good to be remembered.

____________________________________________________________

I dropped by Amici to visit a good and dear friend from college. He is staying at the Salesian's Provincial House -- where Amici is located.

Carmelo is a Salesian Lay Brother. He is currently assigned at the Don Bosco College Seminary in Canlubang, Laguna -- that is where we both finished our tertiary studies. His primary work there is to assist young men in their studies and formation in the religious life.

I could not exactly remember when we first met but I do remember that he was the first person whom I got to talk with during my first day in College. We were thirty five in the batch then, that is, if my memory serves me right. Of the thirty five, almost everybody knew of everyone -- except for me. Most of them were classmates since high school. I was supposed to be with a fellow alumnus from high school but he came a month later.

I remember being swarmed by laughters from people I do not know -- it was all noise. I felt terrible. But Carmelo approached me and said, "I remember you sitting in front of the Chaplain's Office last month. I am Carmelo nga pala."

"Hi! I am Anthony."

From that day on, I was no more a stranger. It felt good. I felt good about it. And, this is one friendship I would always cherish. May God bless him.

Nota Bene: amici stands for friends in English. i am not sure if it is Italian or Latin.

Roberto

2006-07-14T05:51:00.000+08:00

Roberto is not his real name.

"A practical man," was how Fr. Roland described Roberto. I wanted to interview him but Fr. Roland was hesitant, "he does not even write anything for the newsletter. Try Benmar, Ariel or Pinoy. They would be more receptive to the interview." I did what was told me. I interviewed Benmar, Ariel, Pinoy plus seven other seafarers but not Roberto.

Roberto was fortyish, I think. I was told that he is married with three kids. And indeed, he was a practical man. Early morning I will see him texting. After breakfast, he would be removing the wild bounganvilla found at the Center's gate. By mid morning, he would be busy preparing lunch -- my favorite was his nilagang baka and sotanghon with mussles. After lunch, he went back removing the thorns and thistles and started to put up the beams of the new gate. Then, he went back to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

At table, he was a story teller. "In Japan, they do this..." "I was in France and they have this..." Even in the local scene, he had something to say, "Do you know that the Batangeños had a way of cooking fish in boiled rice?" Then, he filled in the details with gusto typical of a newscaster.

Yes, it was typical of him -- given to the facts of life but not of his life. He was detached from his feelings; he was more of a doer, a go-getter.

One time, I looked at him in the eyes. His eyes revealed weariness, tiredness. I surmise, his eyes were tired from stopping the tears to flow and weary from looking at the darkness that confronts him.

But those were just my impressions. I was not able to interview him.

One morning, I was reading the periodico and Roberto was packing his things.

"Ton, read this," Roberto asked me.

I put down what I was reading as he handed me an inch-thick of document.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Just read it and you'll see."

I browsed through the document. I was surprised that the covering letter was from a law firm in the U.S.

"You filed a case against your former employer?"

He was busy tying a knot. He paused. He looked at me and said, "Yes."

"Why? What happened?"

He put down the knot he was holding. He stood up and sat on the chair in front of me. And quizzically, he asked, "Have you seen Armaggedon?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember Bruce Willis?"

"Yup."

"That was what I was doing then. We were drilling for oil. Do you know that our kind of job was the elite's? We were the envy of most seafarers. It was difficult and challenging but it pays very well. We were the Navy Seals of the seafaring industry!"

"So, what happened?"

"I had an accident. They brought me to France. I was operated there. They placed a metal on my leg. I will be going to New Orleans to meet my lawyers. I leave this afternoon for Manila."

"I see." I handed to him the documents he gave me and said that "I will pray for you and your family."

He took the folder and sighed, "You know Ton; life is really very difficult."

"Tell me," I said.

"While I was in France recuperating from the operation, I received a message from my relatives. MY WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. It was with the brother of a former student of hers. I was really devastated. It was very painful."

"I am very sorry to hear that."

"Before going to New Orleans, I am going to Manila to file a case against her in PRC. I just wish that they will no longer allow her to teach."

"How about your children?"

"My youngest daughter is with her. She is just too young to understand these things. My eldest, he is working. He is in Laguna with my relatives. My middle child, my son, he was the brightest and the most intelligent. I do not know where to find him. He is gone. He ran away. I do not know what to do. All the things that I worked for down the drain. But I do need to move on.” A silence filled the air. Then, he said, “Thank you for listening, Ton."

After that brief talk with Roberto, he did move on. I saw him leave AOS that afternoon but that was it. I do not know what happened to him next. Fr. Roland was right. AOS-Cebu is “not about the building.” The center is a home away from home, or for Roberto’s case and for a good number of whom I chanced upon to talk with in the center, AOS is a home when there is no more home to go to.

On Disappointments

2006-07-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

July 6, 2006 Thursday of the Thirteenth Week in Ordinary Time
Reading 1 Am 7:10-17 • Responsorial Psalm Ps 19:8, 9, 10, 11

After entering a boat, Jesus made the crossing, and came into his own town. And there people brought to him a paralytic lying on a stretcher. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Courage, child, your sins are forgiven.” At that, some of the scribes said to themselves, “This man is blaspheming.” Jesus knew what they were thinking, and said, “Why do you harbor evil thoughts? Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”— he then said to the paralytic, “Rise, pick up your stretcher, and go home.” He rose and went home.

When the crowds saw this they were struck with awe and glorified God who had given such authority to men (Mt 9:1-8).

I remember being upset and disappointed.

It happened on the third day of our villa in Tali, Batangas.

I just finished taking an afternoon shower at the second room of the villa house’s uppermost section. I was drying myself, readying for a plethora of after-shower-rituals. When I opened the lavatory’s door, I found myself surprised by the stir that was happening inside the main room. I saw my things booted-out from the flat; my mat folded and pushed to the side; and, my bag yanked inside the closet.

It was really upsetting. And, I was disappointed by it.

In today’s Gospel, I can see the disappointment with which the scribes felt when they heard Jesus say, “Your sins are forgiven.” But Jesus saw the disappointment of their hearts. For Jesus heard the whispers of regret and the sighs of frustrations of the scribes, “This man is blaspheming.” Their stir might be minute but it rippled and was felt by Jesus. He was quick to quip and so he asked, “Why do you harbor evil thoughts?”

Of course, the scribes were a little bit dumbfounded and unable to reply to his inquiry for Jesus had been making miracles here and there. And, we heard it for the past few days the thread of Jesus’s miracles – actually, it is a cycle of nine miracles. I do not think that the scribes would want to make a fool of themselves in front of the people.

Hannah Arrendt paints for us an insight that would help us understand the pamimilipit of the scribes. Hannah said, “Whoever controls the channels of forgiveness of sins in a society controls that society.”

The scribes did recognize that the forgiveness of sins entails an offense against God. That it is a divine activity not proper for ordinary mortals – “this man is blaspheming,” and that they know and were grippingly convinced of. But it is more than that. For the scribes, the stakes are just too high. They could not afford to lose their grip, their power, their control over the very people who congregate to Jesus for healing and forgiveness of sins. They could not just stomach the words of John the Baptist, “He must increase; I must decrease.”

And that I surmise, why they were upset and disappointed.

This might sound comical but I think there is another one who might have felt upset and disappointed too.

It is the paralytic himself. Picture this. A man who has been so used to being carried, cared for, cleaned by others – what could be more comforting than that? If the paralytic was sane enough, I do think he would have realized what he would be giving up for in exchange for two walking legs! Most probably, when Christ ordered him to pick up his mat, he was making some bickers and wrangles.

The truth is this, we are easily disappointed, I do, when things do not go our way. We are easily shaken when our private, comfortable zones are being impinged upon.

But I think there is something bigger than our issues, our incapacities. I think there is something bigger than our own comfort zones.

I have been a Jesuit for the past four years. One of the things that I realized is this – it is far easier to remain on my mat, on my comfort zone. Nothing can be more soothing than being guarded and protected even by my own hurts and pains. At times, I can reason to myself, "he did me wrong… so I will no longer reach out to him." Or, "I was offended with what she did to me… I will make her feel that she does not exist." It is easier for me to remain on my mat, in the comfort of my own pain. It is just hard to forgive the wrong things others did to us. But if there is one grace that I would beg for, it is the deep realization of God's forgiveness.

When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Your sins are forgiven." I think what made it easier for the paralytic to rise and walk is the assurance from Christ that his sins were forgiven.

How many times have I not forgiven others? How many times have I not forgiven myself?

Probably, I can look at Christ like that of the paralytic's and hear the Lord say to me, say to us, "Your sins are forgiven."

Truly, I was disappointed. I was upset. I felt that my privacy was impinged upon. But I realized that there is something bigger than my own privacy, my own comfort zone. I saw it that very same evening when on that same place, we broke the body and shared the blood of that very person who said, “Hey! Pick up your mat. Your sins are forgiven”

Courage: Absence of Fear or Grace Under Pressure?

2006-07-13T11:46:00.000+08:00

I first encountered the works of Fr. Walter Burghardt when I was in the novitiate. I found his reflections engaging, substantial. He just celebrated his 75th anniversary as a Jesuit. A prolific writer, he is. His earlier works focused on "the ancient Christian writers. Then followed more than four decades as editor of Theological Studies. At age 78, Fr. Burghardt recognized the need for greater emphasis on biblical justice, which has become the heart of most of his work in recent years."

The article below is NCR's cover story essay for this week. I find it interesting because, during breakfast Fr. Nilo, Jordan and I were discussing about ageing in grace in the Society. And this article, something that I found by accident, speaks a lot about the courage that we need to face a facet of the reality of our lives -- our finitude.

Courage: Absence of fear or grace under pressure?
By WALTER J. BURGHARDT, S.J.

A century ago my father John Burghardt at age 19 left the small village of Padew in Austria-Hungary and sailed across the Atlantic from Hamburg on the Graf Waldersee never to see his parents again. A year later my mother, Marya Krupp, then 22 and a single woman from that same region of Austria-Hungary, traveled alone to Bremen where she boarded the Seydlitz and sailed to New York, only to be detained at Ellis Island. The concern? How would a single woman support herself in a foreign land? No doubt each of my parents needed courage. But why, some could ask, does a Jesuit priest need courage while living in a community where his basic needs of food and shelter are being met? I am not alone or trying to find a job or homeless or in danger of being called up to fight in Iraq. Yet I, like you -- clergy or laity -- need courage.

Several years ago I learned that I am afflicted with wet macular degeneration -- a case a Washington retina expert diagnosed as among the worst he had ever seen. Within 18 months I had no vision at all in my right eye, and the disease was progressing in my left eye. As I write, my “good” eye has 20/400 vision and with that only “good” eye I see through a haze that is increasing slowly but surely. I continue to read books and articles, but only with the aid of an uncommonly large, electronic magnifier -- a slow and sometimes torturous process. Add to this the probability that before long my “good” eye will enjoy only peripheral vision -- no reading ability whatsoever. On the face of it, a dim prospect for one whose professional and priestly life has been spent for half a century in theological research, in lecturing and preaching on real-life issues of justice, publishing 24 books and more than 325 articles. At 92 my mind is still clear, even as memory all too often plays me false on facts and faces. But a clear mind without eyes to see? And hearing loss to boot?

A dim prospect? Only if I cling immovably to the gifts that molded my past; only if my days are consumed in constant carping over a paradise lost. My personal example can be multiplied. Each man, each woman, each child experiences situations wherein today is torture and tomorrow is at best unclear.

With this as background and context, I should like to dwell on three questions that are highly important for courageous living: What demands courage? What important aspect of spirituality can help us grow in courage? How apply this aspect of spirituality to our day-to-day living?

* * *

As the years move on, we take for granted our senses, our minds, and our love for others. Take our sense life. Am I afraid that although the sun will surely rise again tomorrow, I myself will never again be able to see it rise? Do you continue to marvel when your ears recapture a motet of Mozart, yet fear ending up deaf like Beethoven but without his genius to continue creating music; or perhaps, even more fearful, do you wonder how you will take care of a baby if you cannot hear the little one cry out for your help? Are you afraid your sense of smell is so age-worn that you can no longer savor the fragrance of a rose -- even scarier, does fear flame up in you at the thought of your house igniting while you sleep and your not smelling the smoke in time to flee to safety?

Move now from sense experience to human intelligence. A set of similar questions. Does my fear of controversy keep me from speaking out to make a difference even as an individual about the concerns of those in Southeast Asia ripped apart by tsunamis to those in the Southeastern United States not so long ago buried under surge waters of Hurricane Katrina? Do I have the courage to take an unpopular stand publicly against the controversial proposal to build a wall between the United States and Mexico? Do I have the courage to carry simply but prominently a placard to bear witness to corruption in government, in business, in church, in school, in the environment?

Are we afraid to love? To love as Jesus loved -- unselfishly -- to love even when love is not returned? Dare we take chances to love the unlovable -- the crook, the crafty, the corporate criminal? Do we fear those of other colors or creeds? Are we afraid not only of the AIDS patient we refuse to believe is not contagious but also do we fear dear friends with cancer who may soon die and leave us with dreams unfulfilled?

These and myriad other problems confront humans from day to day and often compel us to yearn for tomorrow.

* * *

What outlook on life, what aspect of spirituality may help us grow in courage even amid predicaments unforeseen and uncontrollable? A three-word precept: Live this day. As a well-known Sanskrit poem, “Salutation of the Dawn,” put it, “Yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow is only a vision.” Oh yes, the dream is important, for the past is inescapably part and parcel of our lives; and the vision is fortunately our hope for the future. And still it remains true, today is the only day any of us can actually live. Only today, only at this moment, are we living.

Today we love and pray for others. A tough, all but impossible attitude for a mother mourning a ravished child, a man whose wife is losing mobility to multiple sclerosis, a woman whose spouse is paralyzed in a diving accident. Living this day is rarely simple; it is often an elusive goal.

In some situations such an outlook is frequently beyond our human powers. My own struggle to live this day with incurable macular degeneration has led me to St. Paul’s advice: “Even now I find my joy in the suffering I endure for you. In my own flesh I fill up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ for the sake of his body, the church” (Col 1:24). Sheer suffering, whether my own vision loss or St. Paul’s affliction, is not something to be enjoyed; but it can and should be offered for those children of God in need of divine compassion. The pain may remain, but we are likely to experience a peace God alone can provide.

In fact, St. Paul’s “solution” might well apply to many another, if less physical, agony: disappointment in love, lack of response in a counseling session, a dry spell in communion with God, a bruising criticism justified or not, an editor’s rejection of a cherished article. Not easily glossed over, not dismissed with a “Win one, lose one” shrug. We hurt, we cringe, we may even rage with anger. These moments we are most in need of being open to gifts of God over and above the purely natural -- what Christians call gifts of “grace,” some of the gifts St. Paul calls “the fruit of the Spirit,” specifically “love, joy … patient endurance, kindness, generosity, faith” (Gal 5:22-23). To adapt a phrase from Ernest Hemingway, “Courage is grace under pressure.”

* * *

How apply this aspect of spirituality to our day-to-day living? There is no felicitous formula, no single solution to cover all cases. “Live this day” is not a blueprint for endurance, for stolid passivity no matter how agonizing the pressure. It is not the questionable “Pour it on, Lord!” Some persons are generously gifted by nature to cope with adversity; others have to work harder and pray more steadfastly in the quest to live this day.

How am I myself adjusting to the real in my own life: to today’s low vision and tomorrow’s peripheral vision? Four years ago I began using the electronic magnifier. Now I continue my research with ZoomText, a magnifying and screen reading software program that both enlarges and reads aloud everything on the computer screen. Also aiding my typing is a keyboard with large keys arranged in an alphabetical rather than the traditional QWERTY layout (for white-haired Jesuits who never learned to touch-type). Yes, I typed this article myself several months after my 91st birthday.

Sooner or later, my eyesight will change yet again. I know not when; I know not precisely how. Clad in uncertainty, how live I this spirituality? Fortunately I live each day in an era of changing technologies that are producing devices to help me adapt to a growing world even as my eyesight is shrinking. Keenly I am aware that although I am losing my eyesight, I am not losing my vision. That distinction strengthens my spirituality, increases my insights, and redoubles my resolve to live this day.

Some ask how I live with these life-altering changes in my vision and in my hearing. Yes, these seemed “bad” enough until cancer invaded my colon, melanoma nestled itself in my left shoulder, and basal cell carcinoma found the right side of my nose a comfortable cushion. I try to follow my own advice “Live this day,” albeit the only thing harder than commanding a physician to heal herself is persuading a preacher to heed the counsel of his own homilies!

There must be times, will be times, when you, too, are afraid -- afraid to love, afraid to give or forgive, afraid to cry out against injustice, afraid to face an incurable illness. Recognize a basic reality: Courage is not the absence of fear. It is feeling afraid to do something but finding the strength to do it. For courage, reach. Reach into your deepest self and dare to discover the surprise found by a woman living with cancer: “The more courage I used to get through the day, the more courage I had. The more I embraced life -- relationships, nature and the joys of every day -- the richer my life became.”

God Remains Always with Us

2006-07-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

Week One No. 2

Grace:

My Lord Jesus I beg for the grace to be able to acknowledge the Divine Presence, the Emmanuel and the Spirit of Life in me

Scriptural Passages:

Psalm 139 God, my Creator, present throughout my life;
Jn 3:1-21 God so loved the world that he sent the Son;
Lk. 24:36-43 In risen human flesh, Jesus eats with friends.

While they were still speaking about this, he stood in their midst and said to them, "Peace be with you." But they were startled and terrified and thought that they were seeing a ghost. Then he said to them, "Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see, because a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you can see I have." And as he said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed, he asked them, "Have you anything here to eat?" They gave him a piece of baked fish; he took it and ate it in front of them (Lk. 24:36-43).

Points for Reflection:

You can say that you believe in God, sincerely, and yet act like someone who does not believe. You would then be a “practical atheist,” which means that you live from one end of the week to the next without so much as thinking about God. Consider whether you may not have lost two qualities of the believer: a sense of awe and wonder and reverence before God, the Creator and Lord, and before God’s creation; and a steady choice to do the next good thing because God is with you.

For a number of reasons, such as the spread of technology and of ideological movements, you might feel that God remains far away from the world, like the maker of a watch that finishes with it and lets it go on its own. Your faith teaches you something very different. God wishes the People to be so close to him that he would seem to be wearing them like a skin-tight garment (Jer. 13:11). Jesus Christ promised that he would be “with you always, yes, to the end of time” (Mt. 28:20).

When the humankind drove the Son of God out of our flesh and killed him, he rose again and returned among us. Now God remains eternally united to humanity by a bond that can never be broken: Jesus Christ who is both God and human. You receive him into yourself in Communion.

God the Spirit of Life sustains everything in existence, even giving energy to your thinking and moving. Through the Divine Wisdom, the Spirit keeps acting in might “from one end of the earth to the other, ordering all things for good” (Wis. 7:15-8:1). As the Psalm says, God the almighty goes before you and behind you, always.

PRAYER: Lord of wisdom, Lord of might, when I think of you, I seem to feel you gazing on me. I am a little afraid that anyone can know me through and through and at every moment. But I feel your gaze as a gentle regard. And in my heart I know that you see me and you are delighted. I am amazed and full of thanks. Amen.

Source: Joseph Tetlow, S.J. (1989). Choosing Christ in the World. Saint Louis: Institute of Jesuit Sources.

to all young men: you are cordially invited

2006-07-08T20:52:00.000+08:00

SEDL: God is Always Giving Gifts

2006-07-05T07:40:00.000+08:00

Week One, Number 1

Grace:

My Lord Jesus I beg for the grace to appreciate the world, my life, and my self for what they all are: outright gifts from God my Creator and my Lord.

Scriptural Passages:

Ezek. 11:17-21 You will be my people and I will be your God;
Lk. 1:26-38 God gives Mary the gift of Motherhood;
Eph. 1:3-14 God gives grace and Christ-life.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before him. In love he destined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ, in accord with the favor of his will, for the praise of the glory of his grace that he granted us in the beloved. In him we have redemption by his blood, the forgiveness of transgressions, in accord with the riches of his grace that he lavished upon us. In all wisdom and insight, he has made known to us the mystery of his will in accord with his favor that he set forth in him as a plan for the fullness of times, to sum up all things in Christ, in heaven and on earth. In him we were also chosen, destined in accord with the purpose of the one who accomplishes all things according to the intention of his will, so that we might exist for the praise of his glory, we who first hoped in Christ. In him you also, who have heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and have believed in him, were sealed with the promised holy Spirit, which is the first instalment of our inheritance toward redemption as God's possession, to the praise of his glory (Eph. 1:3-14).

Points for Reflection:

Jesus commonly began his prayer to God by saying, “I thank you.” Before raising Lazarus, he said, “Father, I thank you for hearing my prayer” (Jn. 11:41). Jesus prayed thanks because he lived thanks. Taught by the great tradition of the People of God, Jesus took the faith-stance that everything is a gift from God.

This is how Jesus looked on the world, his own history, and everything that came into his life: as given Him by God. He said to God the Father, “All you have given me comes indeed from you” (Jn. 17:7). He meant all, too – his family, his history, vocation, work and even his passion. He saw everything as gift because his eyes were full of faith.

Some people just take the world as it is: What is, IS. They are like a color-blind eye that sees things clearly but only in shades of grey. You are called to take the world for granted, which literally means as given to you by One who is greater: What is IS GIFT from God.

You were chosen by God to have Christ’s eyes for the rainbow of gifts God grants: the earth, the heavens, science, music, your own life and talents, those whom you love. God has given you a special place among the chosen people, the saints. Could God tell Mary through the angel what to call her son? Well, God has called you from your mother’s womb by your own name.

Standing in gratitude, you recognize that you cannot of yourself demand an hour of life or an inch of height. You cannot guarantee anything for yourself or those whom you love. But because you have chosen to “set your heart on the kingdom of God,” you know that “all these other things will be given you as well” (Mt. 6:34). This faith and this trust are themselves gifts, not accepted by many in our life world.

PRAYER: Lord, mighty God, You are the Creator of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and of all the unseen tiny atoms, vast forces, my own life world, my own life, each of my days. Nothing in me could demand of you that you create me. Everything that is you demanded of you that you create me, for you are Love and you wish to share with those who will love you. I praise you, I thank you for all that I am and all that all of us are and have. Amen.

Source: Joseph Tetlow, S.J. (1989). Choosing Christ in the World. Saint Louis: Institute of Jesuit Sources.

POTESTAS: DBCS, 1st Year Class of 1994

2006-07-02T14:02:00.000+08:00

We were thirty five high school graduates who entered Don Bosco College Seminary in Canlubang, Laguna in 1994. Two continued with the Salesians: Kim, two years short from ordination, took his perpetual profession last April 30 (this note was relayed to me by his mom, Tita Mic, a few weeks ago) and Carmelo who is a Lay Brother. Carmelo is currently assigned as one of the Formators in the seminary in Canlubang. And, the rest made their way through the thickets of the forrest. I met some of them last Summer in Cebu, a lot has changed but a lot remained the same.

Roy teaches in Don Bosco Labangon. But daghan ang kanyang raket -- a guest host in ABS-CBN Cebu's Saturday prime time show, Sabado na Gyud; a leader in a Catholic charismatic community in Cebu; and, a lead actor in a short film that would be presented in the Portugal Film Fest.

Chad took his oath a year ago and is practicing law in Cebu. His uyab is Ethel, from Pagadian, a classmate of Chad in law school and who took her oath last month.

Butch continues to do what he is very passionate about, writing. He maintains a blog, He used to work with a local daily but is currently connected with a company that manages an on-line poker game. He married, two months ago, Joyce. They had a beautiful sunset wedding in a beach resort in Mactan.

Anearth works with the IT unit of the Department of Agriculture. He is married to Liezel and has a son. He is expecting his second child soon, (but I think by the time that I would be able to post this he/she would have been delivered already). He continues to play basketball and badminton. He gave me a copy of the National Geo's the Gospel of Judas -- I would still have to sit down and watch it.

Joubert heads a business solutions company in Mactan. He was in Hong Kong but because of his mother's dwindling health he needed to be "repatriated" to Mactan. His mom died three years ago. He is married to Connie and they are residing at Joubert's old place in Lawaan.

After five years of teaching in CIE, Law now works for a freight company. He still lives in his folk's place in Consolacion but now he is with Hazel, his wife.

Jason works for the Salesian's Provincial Economer and Hyman does land operations for Cebu Pacific. Racals teaches and is very much involved with football. He is managing a water distribution facility in Labangon.

I do not know when our roads will cross again but it was a wonderful opportunity to realize that I am getting old. And, taking stock of memories with old pals and friends would, it seems, be part of my life's routine.

Thanks be to God for the gift of memory!!!

a picture taken by Neo, SJ in Tali, Batangas

2006-06-23T16:14:00.000+08:00

Gabe's affection falls on them -- cats

2006-06-14T14:34:00.000+08:00

this is for Monching's love -- dogs

2006-06-14T14:26:00.000+08:00

SEDL: Anima Christi

2006-06-14T09:35:00.000+08:00

Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ

Grace: My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace to share in your Body and your Blood.

Scriptural Reading:

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, when they sacrificed the Passover lamb, Jesus’disciples said to him, "Where do you want us to go and prepare for you to eat the Passover?" He sent two of his disciples and said to them, "Go into the city and a man will meet you, carrying a jar of water. Follow him. Wherever he enters, say to the master of the house, 'The Teacher says, "Where is my guest room where I may eat the Passover with my disciples?"' Then he will show you a large upper room furnished and ready. Make the preparations for us there." The disciples then went off, entered the city, and found it just as he had told them; and they prepared the Passover. While they were eating, he took bread, said the blessing, broke it, gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is my body." Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, and they all drank from it. He said to them, "This is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed for many. Amen, I say to you, I shall not drink again the fruit of the vine until the day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God." Then, after singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives (Mk 14:12-16, 22-26).

Points for Reflection:

Christ prepares.

He did not leave things until the last moment. So, when his disciples asked him where they would be holding their party, he sent them into Jerusalem with instructions to look for a man carrying a jar of water. It was something, if not unique, queer. For to carry a jar of water was a woman’s duty. It was a thing that no man ever did, at least for the Jews during Jesus’s time. A man with a jar of water on his shoulder would stand out in any crowd as much as, say, a man on one summer day wearing puscha-colored shirt with a flaming red umbrella.

Jesus did not leave things until the last minute. For the man would lead them to the upper room that has been prepared for the Passover. The preparations were no joke. I was trying to look for a brief description of the works done to prepare one – most, if not all, are at least two pages long. It was a very detailed celebration. Yet, as one commentator aptly puts it, every detail spoke of that great day of deliverance when God liberated his people from their bondage in Egypt. It was at that feast that he who liberated the world from sin was to sit at his last meal with his disciples.

Christ presents.

It was at that feast that the Christ who liberated the world from sin was not only to sit at his last meal with his disciples. It was this same Christ who presents himself to be food and drink to those who believe.

“This is my body.”
“This is my blood.”

And for those who partake in Christ’s offering, Christ promises a new Kingdom – of life eternal, of life abounding in love and grace.

Christ promises.

Christ prepares, Christ presents, Christ promises – the gift of himself to you. The least thing that we can do is to receive him in the Sacrament of the Eucharist.

Prepare your hearts: forgive a family member or an old friend or yourself.
Present yourself: no need for trappings in front of God, just be yourself.
Promise: to do good to yourself, to others -- especially to those you do not like.

Take Note: Next week, we will start seeing each other again. Same place, same time – Loyola House of Studies, Wednesday, 8:30 p.m. God bless you all.

SEDL: When Three Become One

2006-06-07T06:14:00.000+08:00

The Solemnity of the Blessed Trinity

Grace: Dearest Lord, I beg for the grace of awe and deep wonder at the mystery of the Blessed Trinity – that I may share in the relationship of love among the three persons of the Blessed Trinity.

Scriptural Reading:

The eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them. When they all saw him, they worshiped, but they doubted. Then Jesus approached and said to them, "All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age" (Mt 28:16-20).

Point for Reflection:

1. Try to imagine the three Persons of the Blessed Trinity. How do they all look like? How is the Father different from the Son? the Son from the Holy Spirit? the Holy Spirit from the Father?

2. Approach each Persons. Talk to each Persons. Share your present concerns with them. Listen to them. How did each of them respond to you?

3. TAKE NOTE: Should nothing happen in your prayer, just remain and stay in prayer. No need for fireworks or deep insights. Just remain in the silence of your prayer – with all its itch and rising boredom. Sometimes, God can be a total bore. But God loves and enjoys your presence.

4. End your prayer by saying, “God, I love you.”

picture was taken one morning somewhere in Makati City.

Community Building with the New Juniors

2006-06-06T20:05:00.000+08:00

SEDL: Pentecost

2006-05-31T13:17:00.000+08:00

Grace: Dear Lord, open my heart.

Scriptural Reading:

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained” (Jn 20:19-23).

Points for Reflection:

1. The doors were locked and the disciples’ hearts were fearful. Fearful hearts are locked hearts. Locked doors and locked hearts, however, were not strong enough to prevent Jesus from lovingly breaking into their lives. Jesus breathed on his friends giving them the first fruits of the Spirit.

Later on Pentecost Day, still lacking in power but full of hope, these same disciples and probably others waited for the promise to be fulfilled – the promise of receiving the fullness of the Spirit. That they were waiting together says much about the importance of community. With fragile hope they waited. Suddenly the joyful, awesome sound of wind and fire arrive. Fearful hearts blossom with courage. The barriers that came from not understanding one another burn away with the fire of the spirit.

Surely in that moment the disciples must have remembered when Jesus came through the locked doors and breathed on them. In the mystery of eternity, you and I were present also. Whatever ups and downs we experience on our path of life, let us always remember the breath of the Spirit (by Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr, O.S.B.).

2. What have been instances, circumstances and events wherein I experienced locking my heart from other people? What happened? Who were the people involved? And, as I recall those moments, what significant feelings surface?

3. Share these events and feelings with your God. Listen to His/Her response.

4. End by just saying, "open my heart."

the fish story

2006-05-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

SEDL: Hold On

2006-05-18T05:20:00.000+08:00

Grace: Lord God, may I always have the assurance that the Spirit of Jesus will hold me fast and carry me home.

Scriptural Reading:

Lifting up his eyes to heaven, Jesus prayed saying: “Holy Father, keep them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one just as we are one. When I was with them I protected them in your name that you gave me, and I guarded them, and none of them was lost except the son of destruction, in order that the Scripture might be fulfilled. But now I am coming to you. I speak this in the world so that they may share my joy completely. I gave them your word, and the world hated them, because they do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world but that you keep them from the evil one. They do not belong to the world any more than I belong to the world. Consecrate them in the truth. Your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, so I sent them into the world. And I consecrate myself for them, so that they also may be consecrated in truth” (Jn 17:11-19).

Points for Reflection:

1. On a recent shuttle mission in outer space, one of the astronauts had to make repairs on the outside of the spacecraft. He had to float free in space, held only by a tether to the ship. In such a situation of utter dependence, I would have a hard time being confident enough in the connection that was keeping me from floating off into oblivion.

If you have ever had the sense of being detached from God and sailing off to who knows where, then you know how much you can want the assurance of being connected. The Spirit is that connection and gives us a feeling of safety.

But the Spirit of Jesus is not the same thing as absolute certainty. As human beings aware of our predicament and our complete dependence on God, it’s hard sometimes to be confident enough in God’s love and mercy. I waver, and I wonder (Mark Neilsen).

2. Recall a significant moment, or two, in your life that you wavered in your confidence in God's love and mercy. What happened? What feelings surface as you recall it, or them?

3. Recall a significant moment, or two, in your life that you were grippingly conviced of God's love and mercy. What happened? What feelings surface as you recall it, or them?

4. Bring both to prayer and talk it over with your God. Share with your God both moments of wavering and gripping conviction. Listen to God's response.

5. End with the prayer for generosity.

SEDL: Remain in My Love

2006-05-16T09:56:00.000+08:00

Grace: Lord, teach me to remain in your love.

Scriptural Reading:

Jesus said to his disciples:

“As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy might be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another” (Jn 15:9-17).

Points for Reflection:

1. In the March of the Penguins, a stunning documentary movie about penguins in Antarctica, our attention is riveted on the self-sacrificing existence of adult penguins with their arduous 70-mile hikes and months without food to keep their young chicks alive. Their lives are given over in self-sacrifice for their young.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus tells us of what the fullness of love consists: “To lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” He exemplifies this love in his own total gift of himself on the cross. He tells us to do likewise, “Love one another as I love you.” In the penguins of Antarctica, nature appears to mirror its self-giving Creator.

While most of us will fortunately not endure arduous hikes or long periods without food, it is vital for us to give of ourselves so that others may live. To love fully, whether married or single, is to give of one’s self. And this self-sacrifice nurtures life, in others and in us (by Fr. Stephen J. Rossetti).

2. Recall the moments wherein you were able to give yourself to others. As young parents, what had been an experience of giving of oneself to others (i.e. to Elijah); as newly married couples, how were you able to give yourself to him or her in ways new to you; as leaders in your fields of expertise, how were you able to give yourself to staffs or colleagues who can not level with you because they lack the capacity or the capability. Try to recall those moments.

3. Recall too the significant feelings that accompanied those experiences. Bring them to prayer.

4. Try to think of three ways wherein you can give yourself to others – to your spouse, to your child, to your officemates, to your clients, to your staff. Do it in a week’s time.

5. End with the prayer for generosity.

The picture was taken on top of the Osmeña's place in the city of Cebu. The child is a sister of one of the scholars of the AOS (Apostolate of the Sea) Center. Fr. Roland, AOS's chaplain, brought the scholar's family for a lunch treat for him to meet and know them better.

piyesta espesyal

2006-05-16T08:16:00.001+08:00

sa mata ng mga bata...

2006-05-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

h o m e w a r d . . .

2006-05-15T09:40:00.000+08:00

paradiso en kawasan

2006-05-13T06:38:00.000+08:00

Poseidon and A Young Prophet

2006-05-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

Roy celebrated his 29th birthday last May 11. I received a text message from him the following day inviting me to watch Poseidon with him at SM – regalo ko raw sa kanyang kaarawan. It was my third time to go out with him and my second to see Poseidon (Irmo took me out for a treat the day before in Ayala Center). I was a little bit hesitant for Caloy, the storm, was passing by Cebu at that time. But Roy was insistent – birthday gift daw sa kanya. I gave in to his request; I surmised that we would not be seeing again for a long time.

I left Stella Maris at quarter past seven in the evening.

He was waiting at the cinema foyer when I arrived. He looked depressed and down. It was inside Cinema 2 when I asked him why he looked depressed.

“I was crying the whole day,” he said.

“Huh! Why? What happened?”

“I was filming the whole day. I was playing a role in a flick that would be sent to the Portugal Film Fest. It was a short film and I needed to be depressed, sad.”

“And you have to bring that depression with you. Hay naku!”

It was almost nine when the film ended. When we went out, the security men ushered us to take a different exit. So, we have to take a longer route going outside. It was almost a hassle when Roy told me, “sa iyo na yung CD.”

“That is cool. Thanks.”

The CD has the songs he sang. Most of it were written and composed by a common friend. I love the songs he sang. I love his voice. I have two favorites in that album. One of them is the Song of the Young Prophet.

Refrain:
(Cause/So) Here I am, before you, Lord
Take me and break me
Mold me and make me as your own
Lord here I stand
Take my hand and show me
Wherever you want me to go
I will go just show me Lord

I. You know my heart and its ways
You who formed me before I was born
In the depths of my mother’s womb
You were there

II. And you see all my secret desires
Yet still, you lay down your hands
Upon me and you chose me
From among a hundredfold
So hear me now and show me how

Bridge:
Right through the darkness of night
I know you’ll be there beside me
To guide me through it all

It is better to listen to it than to read it. But I do not know how to make it available on-line. I just hope that they could make it available to a wider audience.

The following day I read in a local paper that there was a bomb detonated at SM last night. Two men, the bombers the report said, died in a shoot-out between the police and the two.

Si Padre Jose

2006-05-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

I visited Fr. Jose Bosch, SDB in Punta Princesa, Labangon. He was my Confessor and Spiritual Father when I was a high school student in Don Bosco Makati. I remember him writing me a letter. He addressed me as, “Brave Coloma, dear brave Coloma!” He was asking me to distribute the gazette he was regularly publishing.

One time during confession, I asked him, “Fr. Jose, I had been confessing to you almost every week the same sins. Do you remember my sins?”

“God doesn’t. So, I don’t. God loves you very much, brave Coloma!”

I left the confessional very happy.

And when I visited him in his parish in Punta Princesa last Good Friday, I stood in front of his grave saying, “Thank you. I do remember the times you reminded me of God’s love. Thank you, Fr. Jose!”

I was doing my laundry at the upper deck of Sacred Heart School when I took this picture. It was a good thing that there was a dryer there and a view that I found wanting to behold.

A Coptic Code

2006-05-11T00:24:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have been asked about my impressions regarding Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code (including the coming release of its flick) plus my take on the Gospel of Judas. I think sharing my thoughts would might not come in handy. But, I did find an article which I find quite interesting.

Judas, Da Vinci & Us
the Editors of Commonweal

This Easter season saw the publication of The Gospel of Judas, a third-century Coptic copy of a second-century Gnostic text. The papyrus manuscript was initially discovered in Egypt in the 1970s, but for want of a wealthy-enough buyer it ended up neglected and deteriorating in a safe deposit box in Hicksville, Long Island, for sixteen years.

The National Geographic Society finally forked over enough money to purchase the rights to the text, and also paid for its restoration and translation. A headline-grabbing publicity campaign followed, featuring a news conference, an April 9 television documentary, two books, and an article in the May issue of National Geographic.

Ancient Gnosticism represented a bewildering assortment of beliefs and practices, but is perhaps best characterized as a mystical faith based on the promulgation of secret teachings known only to adepts. The secret revealed by The Gospel of Judas was that Jesus had in fact asked Judas to betray him-“for you will sacrifice the man that clothes me”-and that in doing so Judas was elevated above all the other disciples. In other words, Judas has gotten a bad rap.

Princeton scholar Elaine Pagels, who tirelessly deplores the suppression of Gnosticism by early church authorities, welcomed The Gospel of Judas for “exploding the myth of a monolithic Christianity and showing how diverse and fascinating the early Christian movement really was.”

Other readers, however, found the gospel more opaque than fascinating, and doubt it contributes much that is new to our understanding of early Christianity. Writing in the New Yorker (April 17), Adam Gopnik, a self-described unbeliever, confessed that the claims for the gospel “feel[s] uncomfortably hyped.” James M. Robinson, an expert on early Christian and Gnostic texts, told Peter Steinfels of the New York Times (April 15) that National Geographic’s documentary was “consciously misleading.” Steinfels went on to point out that those who saw the gospel’s rehabilitation of Judas as a blow against anti-Semitism fail to understand how “profoundly anti-Jewish” Gnosticism could be.

As any reader of The Gospel of Judas discovers, the Gnostic Jesus is much less interesting than the Jesus of the canonical gospels. For one thing, this Gnostic Jesus is not human, but merely a visitor from another spiritual realm “clothed” in human form. However enigmatic the Jesus of the New Testament is, he remains recognizably human.

“The new obsession is to introduce, or reintroduce, into Christianity something hidden, strange, and cultic-to reveal a deliberately suppressed story,” Gopnik concluded. There is, of course, no better example of that “obsession” than the success of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, which has sold 40 million copies. The movie version of Brown’s thriller about the secret marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene and the conspiracy within the Catholic Church to hide the existence of the couple’s royal descendants, will be released on May 19. Starring Tom Hanks, it promises to be the season’s big hit.

Is there an element of anti-Catholicism in the success of The Da Vinci Code and the hype surrounding The Gospel of Judas? Certainly both play into the popular idea that the Catholic Church’s foremost concerns are the suppression of dissent and the denial of its own sins. The sexual abuse of children by priests and the hierarchy’s cover-up of those crimes has done little to undermine the superficial plausibility of Dan Brown’s lurid fantasies or speculation that Judas was framed.

At a recent forum sponsored by Fordham University’s Center for Religion and Culture, Mark Massa, SJ, proposed an explanation for why people find The Da Vinci Code compelling. Catholicism, Massa argued, “represents a corporate culture which is perplexing or dismissed, or even feared, by many Americans, even by many American Catholics.” In its sacramental, hierarchical, and communal commitments, Catholicism challenges the pragmatic individualism that pervades American life. “In the story of salvation, in a very un-American sense, the community is more important than the individual,” Massa said. “We are saved as individuals in and through the community.” In Catholic teaching, the encounter with God is always a mediated experience. Yet for most Americans, the ideal encounter between self and God is an individual and unmediated one. Moreover, Massa notes, “mediation means trusting people who may be wrong.” That entails a respect, even reverence, for institutions, something many of us resist.

The Gnosticism of both The Da Vinci Code and The Gospel of Judas tells us not to trust the church, but to place faith only in ourselves and in our own unique understanding of the truth or of God. Yet as Massa reminds us, individual fulfillment and personal detachment cannot be the final answer. In the Incarnation, God committed himself to the messy business of human history. His spirit remains with us in the community of believers. Trusting in others can prove a mistake, but trusting only in oneself is a tyranny even more absurd than Dan Brown’s albino monks.

SEDL: Remain in Me

2006-05-10T06:18:00.000+08:00

Grace: Lord, I want nothing more than to love You and to walk closely with You.

Scriptural Reading:

Jesus said to his disciples: “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in me that do not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch can not bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples” (Jn 15:1-8).

Points for Reflection:

1. Eternal life is a gift which always retains the quality of being received; it is not an inheritance which once accepted may pass into the control of the one who has inherited it. Eternal life has to be received from moment to moment without intermission, just as a branch of the vine is always receiving its ability to bear fruit; any break in the connection could be fatal.

The disciples have accepted Jesus’ life-giving word. They were invited and encouraged to continue to live on, to abide in Jesus as the branch lives on the vine, Jesus insistently repeats “remain in me.” His return to the faithful disciples is in the form of “indwelling.” This indwelling love or “remaining” in Jesus through love is the new commandment. This indwelling will continue as long as they continue to love one another. If this happens and only when this happens will they bear fruit.

This new life they have received exalts them to a new consciousness and experience of existence, for it provides them with access to one who is totally available and attentive to all their needs, released from the inhibiting influence of the past. They will experience the freedom to ask for anything and be confident of receiving it, for the object of their love is none other than the giver of life eternal (Lifted from Shalom: Thoughts For Prayer, vol. 21, no.5, May 2006).

2. In what ways have I been able to really “remain in Christ” even though I was besought by pressure from work, thorns in relationships, disillusionment from uncontrollable circumstances? What happened? Rejoice!

3. In what ways have I NOT been able to “remain in Christ” due to pressure from work, thorns in relationships, disillusionment from uncontrollable circumstances? What happened? Beg God to give you the strength and the grace to persevere in His love and grace.

The picture was taken during a respite from a trip back to Cebu City. We walked the ranges of Balamban and saw Mt. Mantalungon – the mountain where the plane of former president Ramon Magsaysay crashed.

quip a quote...

2006-05-07T10:47:00.000+08:00

here is a text excerpt between Monching and myself...

Monching: kalbo!!!
Myself: I am not kalbo; I am just taller than my hair.

SEDL: Bread of Kindness

2006-04-30T11:09:00.000+08:00

SEDL Prayer Points
The article below was taken from Cebu Daily News. Please read through it, I hope that you would profit from the points raised by the author. God bless.

Bread of Kindness
by Simeon Dumdum, Jr.

“Let all guests who arrive be received as Christ,” St. Benedict counsels in his Holy Rule, adding that this particularly applies to “those of the household of the faith and to way-farers.”

The saint might have considered Luke’s Gospel account about the two disciples who met a wayfarer on their way to Emmaus, whom they took pity on, seeing that darkness was fast falling and he seemed still to have far to go, and invited to spend the night with them. But when they sat down to eat, they realized that the stranger – after he took, blessed and broke the bread and gave it to them – turned out to be no other than Christ.

St. Benedict directs that, in greeting the guest, the Abbot and his monks first pray with him and then give him the kiss of peace, and at mealtime the Abbot pour water on the guest’s hands, and after that, with the rest of the brothers, wash his feet. “Let the greatest care be taken,” the Rule continues, “especially in the reception of the poor and travelers, because Christ is received more specially in them.”

The world, it goes without saying, has changed since the time of St. Benedict. And I doubt that the Benedictine monasteries of today still observe the ablution, and the rest of the welcome ritual – greeting Christ in the guest by bowing the head to or prostrating oneself on the ground before him. And yet I am sure that the spirit of the Rule has remained the same – receiving every person as one would receive Christ.

This I find difficult. For instance, from time to time, two or three people – relatives – who otherwise are capable of, but for some reason are averse to, working, seek me out to ask for money. I hide whenever I sense that they are coming, and when occasionally they catch me by surprise, I look for an excuse to leave, or else just send them away, quoting 2 Thessalonians 3:10 – “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.”

I find being kind to strangers easier than being kind to these relatives. The beggars that in wait on the sidewalk and at the church entrance seem to me to fit Matthew’s portrait of the least of Christ’s brethren, the service or neglect of whom we will be judged by when the Son of Man comes in his glory. But not the kin who lacks industry and purpose, whose destiny it is to strain the means and patience of relations.

But then I realize that, if I find it easier to discern the face of Christ in unfamiliar than in familiar people, perhaps I must really be unfamiliar with the face of Christ.

And, possibly, if I do not find the face of Christ in the people around me, I have not dealt with them in an atmosphere of kindness, in which alone we can truly be acquainted with each other, in which, despite the accident or our unequal living conditions, we can be on familiar terms. Then perhaps we will realize that we belong to same family after all – the Family of God, who shares in our sufferings, from which He lifts us up, and makes us partake of His glory. Perhaps we have not sat down to the equivalent of a meal, which the two disciples shared with Christ, whom they recognized only after Christ got the bread, blessed and broke and gave it to them.

Kindness opens our eyes to the presence of the Risen Christ in each of us. Kindness is the bread that we take and bless and break and give to each other. And once we sense his presence, Christ does not so much disappear as take on the features of the one before us, and the one before the one before us.

The photo was taken three hours after leaving the port of Cebu. It was sunset, and four hours short from the first point of destination -- Surigao.

pic ko (part 2)

2006-04-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

sa Bohol pa rin ito...

pic ko!

2006-04-20T21:38:00.000+08:00

SEDL Prayer Session: With the Resurrected Christ

2006-04-18T14:21:00.000+08:00

Grace:

My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace to truly enter into the mystery of your resurrection. That I may experience the joy of your resurrection.

Suggested Scriptural Readings:

Jn 20: 1-9 John saw and believed
Mt 28: 8-15 the first persons to see Jesus
Jn 20: 11-18 My Father, your Father; My God, your God
Lk 24: 13-35 the road to Emmaus

Suggested Prayer Exercises:

1. Do a contemplation on one or all of the suggested prayer readings.
2. What qualities of Christ -- his values, ways of loving -- are revealed to you? Enumerate those qualities. Spend time in begging the Lord to grant you those qualities of His.
3. End by praying the Prayer for Generosity.

pitong taon din kaming di nagkita

2006-04-14T19:40:00.000+08:00

magkakilala kami ni Roy nuong kolehiyo pa. pareho kami ng kinuhang kurso -- ingles. mahigit pitong taon na rin kaming di nagkita. kaya laking tuwa ko nang magtagpo muli ang aming landas. wala pa ring pagbabago -- isang hapunan sa Harbor City, kape't tsaa sa Starbucks, at isang pelikula -- ngunit may konting pagbabago din naman: yung sa akin halatang-halata, yung kay Roy namay -- sikreto na namin dalawa.

something fishy

2006-04-07T13:05:00.000+08:00

early this morning, JR brought us out (us as in bros, ej, neo, andy and jason) for a sumptuous breakfast in libis. but since it is a friday and it is lent -- abstinence from meat is a strong invitation for us cafeteria catholics. so, this is what i ate this morning -- a cup of congee, some eggs, garlic rice, fried bangus, atsara, palitao and bottomless iced tea. salamat jr.

With Christ 1: The Passion of Our Lord

2006-04-07T12:42:00.000+08:00

Grace:

My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace to truly enter into the mystery of your passion and death. That I may experience the pain with You in pain; that I may anguish with You in anguish; and, that I may experience sorrow with You in sorrow -- realizing that You are doing all these for me all in the name of love.

Suggested Scriptural Readings:

Jn 13:3-15 Jesus washing the feet of the disciples
Mt 26:20-30 the Last Supper
Mt 26:36-46 Jesus in the Garden of the Gethsemane
Mt 26:47-56 the arrest of Jesus
Mt 26:57-68 Jesus before the Sanhedrin
Mt 26:69-75 Peter's denial of Jesus
Mt 27:11-23 Jesus before Pontius Pilate
Mt 27:27-31 Jesus being crowned with thorns
Mt 27:35-46 Jesus' crucifixion
Jn 19:25-27 Jesus entrusting Mary to John the disciple
Lk 23:32-46 Jesus' death

Suggested Prayer Exercises:

1. Do a contemplation on one or all of the suggested prayer readings.
2. What qualities of Christ -- his values, ways of loving -- are revealed to you? Enumerate those qualities. Spend time in begging the Lord to grant you those qualities of His.
3. End by praying the Prayer for Generosity.

si lola pacita

2006-04-04T14:35:00.000+08:00

kaninang umaga dumaan ako sa palengke ng Marikina upang bumili ng paborito kong biko -- yung may latik sa ibabaw. nagmamadali ako sa paglalakad. lagpas na ng ika-siyam ng umaga'y hindi pa ako nag-aagahan. kumukulo na ang sikmura ko.

sa aking paglalakad, nakasalubong ko si lola pacita. hindi ko tanda ang kanyang mukha ngunit dahil sa suot-suot niyang daster -- maraming bilog na may samu't saring kulay. naalala ko na siya si lola pacita. lumapit ako sa kanya at tumpak na siya nga iyon. ang unang tanong niya'y, "kumain ka na ba?" Nuong una ko siyang nakita ganuon din yung tanong niya sa akin, "kumain ka na ba?"

"kumain ka na ba?" tanong niyang muli.

"hindi pa po," sagot ko, "bibili po ako ng biko para agahan ko. kakainin ko po sa bahay."

ngumiti siya, "ganuon ba? alam mo ba ang pauwi sa inyo?"

"opo."

alam ko nga ba ang pauwi sa amin?
oo, naaalala ko.
salamat lola pacita,
sa pagalala.

SEDL: Lord, teach us how to pray

2006-04-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

Grace:

My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace of an open heart that I may be able to enter into the mystery of your person. And in the end, I may see you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly.

Luke 11: 1-13

Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he had finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John taught his disciples."
He said to them, "When you pray, say: Father, holy be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and do not subject us to the final test."
And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,' and he says in reply from within, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.' I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence."
And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

Other Suggested Readings:

Psalm 23, The Lord is my Shepherd
Psalm 139, Yahweh, You know me
Matthew 6:6-34, The Lord’s Prayer

Points for Reflection:
Teach us how to pray…
It was the regular custom for a Rabbi to teach his disciples a simple prayer which they might habitually use. John had done that for his disciples, and now Jesus’ disciples came asking him to do the same for them. This is Luke’s version of the Lord’s Prayer. It is shorter than Matthew’s, but it will teach us all we need to know about how to pray and what to pray for.

1. It begins by calling God Father. That was the characteristic Christian address to God (cf. Galatians 4:6; Romans 8:15; 1 Peter 1:17). The very first word tells us that in prayer we are not coming to someone out of whom gifts have to be unwillingly extracted, but to a Father who delights to supply his children’s needs.
2. In Hebrew the name means much more than merely the name by which the whole person is called. The name means that the whole character of the person as it is revealed and known to us. Psalm 9:10 says, “Those who know your name put their trust in you.” That means far more than knowing that God’s name is Jehovah. It means that those who know the whole character and mind and heart of God will gladly put their trust in him.
3. We must note particularly the order of the Lord’s payer. Before anything is asked for ourselves, God and his and glory and the reverence due to him, come first. Only when we give God his place will other things take their proper place.

Ask and you will receive…
Travelers often journeyed late in the evening to avoid the heat of the midday sun. In Jesus’ story just such a traveler had arrived towards midnight at his friend’s house. In the east, hospitality is a sacred duty; it was not enough to set before a man a bare sufficiency; the guest had to be confronted with an ample abundance. In the villages, bread was baked at home. Only enough for the day’s needs was baked because, if it was kept and became stale, no one would wish to eat it.
The late arrival of the traveler confronted the householder with an embarrassing situation, because his larder (cupboard) was empty and he could not fulfill the sacred obligations of hospitality. Late as it was, he went out to borrow from a friend. The friend’s door was shut. In the east, no one would knock on a shut door unless the need was imperative. In the morning, the door was opened and remained open all day, for there was little privacy; but if the door was shut, that was a definite sign that the householder did not wish to be disturbed. But the seeking householder was not deterred. He knocked, and kept on knocking.
The poorer Palestinian house consisted of one room with only one little window. The floor was simply beaten earth covered with dried reeds and rushes. The room was divided into two parts, not by a partition but by a low platform. Two-thirds of it was on ground level. The other third was slightly raised. On the raised part, the charcoal stove burned all night, and round it the whole family slept, not on raised beds but on sleeping mats. Families were large and they slept close together for warmth. For one to rise was inevitably to disturb the whole family. Further, in the villages it was the custom to bring the livestock, the hens and the cocks and the goats, into the house at night.
Is there any wonder that the man who was in bed did not want to rise? But the determined borrower knocked on with shameless persistence – that is what the Greek word means – until at last the householder, knowing that by this time the whole family was disturbed any way, arose and gave him what he needed.
“That story,” said Jesus, “will tell you about prayer.” The lesson of this parable is not that we must persist in prayer; it is not that we must batter at God’s door until we finally compel him for very weariness to give us what we want, until we will coerce an unwilling God to answer.
A parable literally means something laid alongside. If we lay something beside another thing to teach a lesson, that lesson may be drawn from the facet that the things are like each other or from the fact that the things are a contrast to each other. The point here is based, not on likeness, but on contrast. What Jesus says is, “If a boorish and unwilling householder can in the end be coerced by a friend’s shameless persistence into giving him what he needs, how much more will God who is a loving Father supply all his children’s needs?” “If you,” Jesus says, “who are evil, know that you are bound to supply your children’s needs, how much more will God?”
This does not absolve us from intensity in prayer. After all, we can guarantee the reality and sincerity of our desire only by the passion with which we pray. But it does mean this, that we are not wringing (squeezing, forcing) gifts from an unwilling God, but going to one who knows our needs better than we know them ourselves and whose heart towards us is the heart of a generous love. If we do not receive what we pray for, it is not because God grudgingly refuses to give it but because he has some better thing for us. There is no such thing as unanswered prayer. The answer given may not be the answer we desired or expected; but even when it is a refusal it is the answer of the love and the wisdom of God.

O Lord, God of Mystery, we know you so little. Indeed there are times when we feel we know you even less. We feel we are struggling with you as Jacob struggled with the Angel; perhaps we are struggling with the image we have of you. We cannot comprehend you; we cannot succeed in understanding you.

O Lord, reveal your face, show us the face of your crucified son. Grant that in this face we may learn to understand something of the immense sufferings that are afflicting so many parts of humanity. Grant that we may know you as you really are, in your Son, crucified for us, in his death, in his agony and in his resurrection. AMEN.

Jesuit Villa 2006, Mirador, Baguio City

2006-04-02T07:39:00.000+08:00

the familiar, friendly faces of friends in the Lord. . .

And the beauty that is Mirador's alone. . .

To my fellow Jesuits residing in the Loyola House of Studies, the rest of the pictures can be taken from my files in the Nadal computer.

Ate Lucy

2006-03-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

Isa sa mga nag-retiro sa Bataan si Ate Lucy. Dati siyang guro ng Biology sa isang paaralan, Lakandula yata ang pangalan. Nang suwertehin, nakapagtrabaho siya sa ibang bansa. Apat na taon siya sa Nigeria. Bumalik siya ng Pinas para asikasuhin naman ang papeles niya papuntang Amerika. Nang handa na ang lahat patungo ng Tate, inallergy siya sa isang gamot na ininum niya. Yun ang naging sanhi ng pagkawala ng kanyang paningin. Mahigit isang dekada na rin daw ng mangyari iyon. Pero ngayon nasa Ephpheta siya tumutulong sa ibang mga bulag para ipamalas na may liwanag pa rin. Tama nga at Lucy ang kanyang ngalan.

ephpheta

2006-03-24T19:53:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, Chrys and I headed to Bataan for the annual retreat of the staff and officers of the Ephpheta Foundation. It was my second time to be invited by Fr. Jess to facilitate their retreat. Last year I went there with Bong and Koko.

The retreat house is nestled on a hilly portion of Hermosa -- the first town of Bataan when one is coming from Lubao. It has a vista of ranges and ranches. At the same time, one can see the expansion of residential areas surrounding the locale.

Nuns, I forgot from what congregation, used to reside in the house. I think it was primarily intended for the congregation's hospice. But, they left the place and gave it to the Ephpheta Foundation. It now serves as the Foundation's seminar place and a retreat house for students within the locale.
The place is small but it is beautiful and lovely. I would not deny that life there is a little bit spartan -- compared with other retreat houses. But for a home that could cater to simple, basic needs -- it suffices. It is more than enough.

Isang Hapunan sa Bahay Dagani

2006-03-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

huling huwebes: klase sa Advanced Personality

2006-03-22T01:45:00.000+08:00

SEDL: Of Love, Of Judgment

2006-03-21T09:19:00.000+08:00

Grace: My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace to really enter into the mystery with which this season of Lent brings. May I be able to face the depth and the breadth of the love you have for me -- amidst my brokeness, woundedness.

Jesus said to Nicodemus: “Just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.”

For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him will not be condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God (Jn. 3:14-21).

Points:

1. Pray over Chapters 8 to 10 of St. Anselm's Proslogion. The text is on the next box. You need not read all three chapters. Just peruse through the material. Then, try to relish and savor the words or thoughts or feelings that surface.
2. Should you find yourself desiring to do magis, read all three chapters. What are your reactions to his reflections? Can you resonate with it? How do you find it?

Anselm's Proslogion (VIII to X)

2006-03-21T09:16:00.000+08:00

CHAPTER VIII.

How he is compassionate and passionless. God is compassionate, in terms of our experience, because we experience the effect of compassion. God is not compassionate, in terms of his own being, because he does not experience the feeling (affectus) of compassion.

BUT how are you compassionate, and, at the same time, passionless? For, if you are passionless, you do not feel sympathy; and if you do not feel sympathy, your heart is not wretched from sympathy for the wretched ; but this it is to be compassionate. But if you are not compassionate, whence comes so great consolation to the wretched? How, then, are you compassionate and not compassionate, O Lord, unless because you are compassionate in terms of our experience, and not compassionate in terms of your being.

Truly, you are so in terms of our experience, but you are not so in terms of your own. For, when you behold us in our wretchedness, we experience the effect of compassion, but you do not experience the feeling. Therefore, you are both compassionate, because you do save the wretched, and spare those who sin against you; and not compassionate because you are affected by no sympathy for wretchedness.

CHAPTER IX.

How the all-just and supremely just God spares the wicked, and justly pities the wicked. He is better who is good to the righteous and the wicked than he who is good to the righteous alone. Although God is supremely just, the source of his compassion is hidden. God is supremely compassionate, because he is supremely just. He saves the just, because justice goes with them; he frees sinners by the authority of justice. God spares the wicked out of justice; for it is just that God, than whom none is better or more powerful, should be good even to the wicked, and should make the wicked good. If God ought not to pity, he pities unjustly. But this it is impious to suppose. Therefore, God justly pities.

BUT how do you spare the wicked, if you are all just and supremely just? For how, being all just and supremely just, do you anything that is not just? Or, what justice is that to give him who merits eternal death everlasting life? How, then, gracious Lord, good to the righteous and the wicked, can you save the wicked, if this is not just, and you do not anything that is not just? Or, since your goodness is incomprehensible, is this hidden in the unapproachable light wherein you dwell? Truly, in the deepest and most secret parts of your goodness is hidden the fountain whence the stream of your compassion flows.

For you are all just and supremely just, yet you are kind even to the wicked, even because you are all supremely good. For you would be less good if you were not kind to any wicked being. For, he who is good, both to the righteous and the wicked, is better than he who is good to the wicked alone; and he who is good to the wicked, both by punishing and sparing them, is better than he who is good by punishing them alone. Therefore, you are compassionate, because you are all supremely good. And, although it appears why you do reward the good with goods and the evil with evils; yet this, at least, is most wonderful, why you, the all and supremely just, who lacks nothing, bestows goods on the wicked and on those who are guilty toward you.

The depth of your goodness, O God! The source of your compassion appears, and yet is not clearly seen! We see whence the river flows, but the spring whence it arises is not seen. For, it is from the abundance of your goodness that you are good to those who sin against you; and in the depth of your goodness is hidden the reason for this kindness.

For, although you do reward the good with goods and the evil with evils, out of goodness, yet this the concept of justice seems to demand. But, when you do bestow goods on the evil, and it is known that the supremely Good has willed to do this, we wonder why the supremely just has been able to will this.

O compassion, from what abundant sweetness and what sweet abundance do you well forth to us! O boundless goodness of God how passionately should sinners love you! For you save the just, because justice goes with them; but sinners you do free by the authority of justice. Those by the help of their deserts; these, although their deserts oppose. Those by acknowledging the goods you has granted; these by pardoning the evils you hate. O boundless goodness, which do so exceed all understanding, let that compassion come upon me, which proceeds from your so great abundance! Let it flow upon me, for it wells forth from you. Spare, in mercy; avenge not, in justice.

For, though it is hard to understand how your compassion is not inconsistent with your justice; yet we must believe that it does not oppose justice at all, because it flows from goodness, which is no goodness without justice; nay, that it is in true harmony with justice. For, if you are compassionate only because you are supremely good, and supremely good only because you are supremely just, truly you are compassionate even because you are supremely just. Help me, just and compassionate God, whose light seek; help me to understand what I say.

Truly, then, you are compassionate even because you are just. Is, then, your compassion born of your justice? And do you spare the wicked, therefore, out of justice? If this is true, my Lord, if this is true, teach me how it is. Is it because it is just, that you should be so good that you can not be conceived better; and that you should work so powerfully that you can not be conceived more powerful? For what can be more just than this? Assuredly it could not be that you should be good only by requiting (retribuendo) and not by sparing, and that you should make good only those who are not good, and not the wicked also. In this way, therefore, it is just that you should spare the wicked, and make good souls of evil.

Finally, what is not done justly ought not to be done; and what ought not to be done is done unjustly. If, then, you do not justly pity the wicked, you ought not to pity them. And, if you ought not to pity them, you pity them unjustly. And if It is impious to suppose this, it is right to believe that you justly pity the wicked.

CHAPTER X.

How he justly punishes and justly spares the wicked. --God, in sparing the wicked, is just, according to his own nature because he does what is consistent with his goodness; but he is not just, according to our nature, because he does not inflict the punishment deserved.

BUT it is also just that you should punish the wicked. For what is more just than that the good should receive goods, and the evil, evils? How, then, is it just that you should punish the wicked, and, at the same time, spare the wicked? Or, in one way, do you justly punish, and, in another, justly spare them? For, when you punish the wicked, it is just, because it is consistent with their deserts; and when, on the other hand, you sparest the wicked, it is just, not because it is compatible with their deserts, but because it is compatible with your goodness.

For, in sparing the wicked, you are as just, according to your nature, but not according to ours, as you are compassionate, according to our nature, and not according to yours; seeing that, as in saving us, whom it would be just for you to destroy, you are compassionate, not because you feel an affection (affectum), but because we feel the effect (effectum); so you are just, not because you requite us as we deserve, but because you do that which becomes you as the supremely good Being. In this way, therefore, without contradiction you do justly punish and justly spare.

Sa Angelo's

2006-03-21T08:36:00.000+08:00

ng makaraan ang mga pagsusulit kina dionisio, aquino't anselmo
mag-aala-una kaninang madaling araw, kasama ko nama'y si Shio
upang tsumibog ng mainit na goto, duon sa tindahan ni Angelo

sulit ang sarap, halo sa mainit na lugaw -- mata ng baka
binudburan ng bawang at may halong kalamansi pa
P45 lamang po ang halaga ng gotong may mata ng baka

230/711

2006-03-20T07:22:00.000+08:00

at 2:30 a.m., i was still up reviewing for a written exam in medieval philosophy.

i was lifting through the pages of boethius' quomodo substantiae in eo quod sint bona sint cum non sint substantialia bona; dionysius' de mystica theologia; anselm's proslogion; thomas aquinas' summa theologica.

honestly, i was finding a hard time trying to ingest what they were all saying. i could not even afford to ruminate a word or two of their reflections, insights. but one thing was clear: all were hungering for God. they all wanted to taste and see the goodness of the Lord. they were desiring and hungering for
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"kain tayo sa labas," biglang yaya ni eric.

kaya mag-aalas-tres ng madaling araw
iniwanan sina dionisio't aquino sa kanilang kagutuman
upang punan ang gutom ng aming tiyan
sa may 711 sa katipunan.

"Bakit ka nagpakalbo?"

2006-03-19T22:43:00.000+08:00

"Bakit ka nagpakalbo?"

kadalasan mas nababagabag pa ang iba sa mga desisyong, sa totoo lang, di ko naman talaga mariing na pinag-isipan. isa na rito ang pagpapakalbo. mainit lang talaga. at saka, mula ng pumasok ako sa Kapisanan, nagpapakalbo naman talaga ako.

"Bakit ka nagpakalbo? May pinagdadaanan ka bang proseso?"

mainit lang naman talaga. kung tutuusin mas presko at higit na maginhawa ang pakiramdam. at sadyang kay praktikal pa -- hindi ka na gagastos para sa shampu, wala ka nang poproblemahing pamada, at hindi mo na rin kailangan ng suklay.

talagang presko, maginhawa at praktikal ang magpakalbo.

ganun din naman ang tawag sa atin di ba -- ang ipakalbo ang mga bagay na hindi natin kailangan para higit na maging mainam tayo para sa apostolado. mahirap ang maraming bagahe sa buhay. kung buhok lang ay hindi maipagpalaya, ano pa kaya ang mga bagay na mahirap iwanan?

minsan na tayong kinalbo -- nuong talikuran natin ang mundo ng pumasok tayo ng nobisyado. at kahit na lumabas tayo duon at lumipat dito sa loob ng ateneo, patuloy pa rin ang karanasan ng pagkakalbo. iba-iba nga lang tayo. sa iba, madali at suwabe. ngunit karamihan sa atin, kahit anong pagkukubli, hindi pa rin madali. kung nakaraos man -- lalo na sa hirap ng pag-aaral -- salamat na lamang at may grasya. at kung maalala ang sigaw natin tuwing binabasag ang pagkukubli ng mga tinig at himig tuwing sumasapit ang bagong umaga, semper Deo gratia et Mariae!!!

kaya, semper Deo gratia et Mariae!!! sa bawat bagong umaga na may taglay na bagong tuwa't ligaya.

a phone call

2006-03-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

I arrived home at almost 2 in the morning. Everyone was still up -- Monch was preparing for the exams in New Testament; Koko was fixing his iced tea; and Jom was surfing the boobtube. I was a little bit tipsy because i took Tex's offer of wine. I went to check my pigeon hole for any letters and opened the house cellphone for any messages. Then the phone rang, I lifted the handset and I heard a voice I barely could identify who.

"Pagod-na-pagod na ako," the caller whispered.

Perturbed and a little bit disturbed, I asked, "Sino po kayo?"

"Pagud-na-pagod na ako. Ipagdasal mo naman ako."

"Ha?! Sino po sila?"

"Pagud-na-pagod na ako. Ipagdasal mo naman ako."

"Sige po ipagdarasal ko po kayo. Sino po sila?"

Then, he hang up. I was never able to get to know him. Others say that probably he was just a crank caller but I could never know. I just hope that, if he was serious with his request, he finds what he was begging for -- serenity, rest, inner peace.

Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light (Mt. 11:28-30).

POWERBOOKS' WAREHOUSE SALE!!!

2006-03-18T17:00:00.000+08:00

Visit the new and bigger Powerbooks Warehouse and enjoy big discounts on their wide range of new and best selling titles!!! (20% off on regular items and up to 90% off on bargain items). Don't miss out on the hottest sale this summer starting on March 16 up to March 31, 2006 from 10AM-7PM (including Saturday and Sunday) at # 25 Brixton St. Capitol Subdivision, Pasig City.

Below is a map to Powerbooks' Warehouse.

Look At Me

2006-03-15T14:46:00.000+08:00

SEDL Prayer Points • 15 March 2006

Grace:
My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace of a heart like yours – compassionate and loving to all those who call on you. With a heart like yours, I hope to be able to look on others too with love and compassion.

Jesus said to the Pharisees: “There was a rich man who dressed in purple garments and fine linen and dined sumptuously each day. And lying at his door was a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man’s table. Dogs even used to come and lick his sores. When the poor man died, he was carried away by angels to the bosom of Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried, and from the netherworld, where he was in torment, he raised his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he cried out, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me. Send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am suffering torment in these flames.’ Abraham replied, ‘My child, remember that you received what was good during your lifetime while Lazarus likewise received what was bad; but now he is comforted here, whereas you are tormented. Moreover, between us and you a great chasm is established to prevent anyone from crossing who might wish to go from our side to yours or from your side to ours.’ He said, ‘Then I beg you, father, send him to my father’s house, for I have five brothers, so that he may warn them, lest they too come to this place of torment.’ But Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’ He said, ‘Oh no, father Abraham, but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’ Then Abraham said, ‘If they will not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if someone should rise from the dead’” (Lk 16:19-31).

Points:

1. The rich young man was usually called Dives – Latin word for rich. Every phrase adds something to the luxury in which he lived. He was clothed in purple and fine linen, that is the description of the robes of the High Priests (it would probably amount to one leather jacket from Zara). He feasted in luxury every day. The word used for feasting is the word that is used for a gourmet feeding on exotic and costly dishes. He did this every day. In so doing, he definitely and positively broke the fourth commandment – no work on a Sabbath.

In a country where the common tao were fortunate if they eat meat once in the week and where they toiled for six days of the week, Dives is a figure of indolent self-indulgence. Lazarus was waiting for the crumbs that fell from Dives’ table. In that time, there were no knives, forks or napkins. Food was eaten with the hands, and, in very wealthy houses, the hands were cleansed by wiping them on hunks of bread, which were then thrown away. That was what Lazarus was waiting for.

2. Strangely enough, Lazarus is the only character in any of the parables who is given a name. The name is Latinized form of Eleazar (meaning God is my help). He was a beggar. He was covered with ulcerated sores. And, he was so helpless, he could not even ward off the street dogs which pestered him.

3. Such is the scene in this world; then abruptly it changes to the next and there Lazarus is in glory and Dives is in torment. What was the sin of Dives? He had not ordered Lazarus to be removed from his gate. He had made no objections to his receiving the bread that was flung away from his table. He did not kick him in the passing. He was not deliberately cruel to him. The sin of Dives was that he never noticed Lazarus, that he accepted him as part of the landscape and simply thought it perfectly natural and inevitable that Lazarus should lie in pain and hunger while he wallowed in luxury.

The sin of Dives was that he could look on the world’s suffering and need and feel no answering sword or grief and pity pierce his heart; he looked at a fellow-man, hungry and in pain, and did nothing about it. His was the punishment of a man who never noticed. It seems hard that his request that his brothers should be warned was refused. But is the plain fact that if men possess the truth of God’s word, and if, wherever they look, there is sorrow to be comforted, need to be supplied, pain to be relieved, and it moves them to no feeling and to no action, nothing will change them.
It is a terrible warning that the sin of Dives was not that he did wrong things, but that he did nothing.

4. For the coming days, you might want to know the names of your company’s security guard, the janitor, the elevator operator, the porter. You do not have to know them all. You might at least would want to get three or five names. Include them in your prayer.

5. With your colleagues at work, how have you been sensitive to them? Do you greet them or at least smile at them? In what ways have you been insensitive to them? How can you be a better co-worker in the days to come? Include them too in your prayer.

6. Who were the Dives’ of your life? In what ways have they been insensitive to you? Pray for them, bless them and forgive them. And, learn from the things that they did to you so that you may no longer do the same to others.

7. End this prayer with the Prayer for Generosity.

and again...

2006-03-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

with college barkada... taken nth years ago.

to look back again...

2006-03-13T00:15:00.000+08:00

taken almost three years ago, somewhere near the muntinlupa bilibid prison.

to look back...

2006-03-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

taken more than three years ago at the Sacred Heart Novitiate.

photographs

2006-03-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

i was in college when i took a semester to study photography.
i remember using a manual camera.
it was not mine.
i just borrowed it from a friend.

this afternoon,
a good friend,
Eric,
lent me his apostolate's digital camera.

i tried to catch faces but no one took time to look and see.

everyone seems to be very busy.

so, i went to those who would take time to strike a pose,

and who could hold close...

as i held my breath close
i tried to catch some moments
until the battery went low...

and in that one afternoon, afterglow
i realized that i need to close
a habit that is both bitter and sweet
that i might find time to sit
and finish my paper both in psyche and in philo...

isang gabi sa kfc

2006-02-20T09:31:00.000+08:00

isang gabi sa kfc:
nagkatulakan,
nagkayayaang...
...magkuwentuhan,
mag-tsibugan

duon sa may malawak na kalsada
sa bandang Laguna;
sa lamesa,
naglapag ng isang timba
puno ng manok at sarsa
at ang isa'y nag-ispageti pa

kaya huwag ikaila't ikabahala
kung bakit ang mga heswita'y
tumataba
dili lamang sa sikmura
pati na rin sa puso't ala-ala
ng mga masasayang
pagsasama

Lovepalooza and the Cross

2006-02-15T17:03:00.000+08:00

SEDL Prayer Points
A Day After Valentine's Day, 2006

Grace:
My Lord Jesus, I beg for the grace to have an intimate knowledge of You. That I may grow in my relationship with You and with the persons You gave me to serve and to love.

Jesus and his disciples set out for the villages of Caesarea Philippi. Along the way he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that I am?” They said in reply, “John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others one of the prophets.” And he asked them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter said to him in reply, “You are the Christ.” Then he warned them not to tell anyone about him.

He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and rise after three days. He spoke this openly. Then Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. At this he turned around and, looking at his disciples, rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” (Mk 8:27-33)

Points:

I believe in Christ.

But what does it mean to believe in Christ?
Would it suffice to know that He is not
John the Baptist nor Elijah nor one of the prophets?

It is not enough.

The invitation is to know Christ.
That is, to know Him clothed with the profundity of intimacy,
“Who do you say that I am?,” He asks his disciples.
It is a question that grounds on a certain form of relationship.
It is a relationship that is apt between “You and I.”
It is a kind of relationship that grows in love and affection.
It is a kind of relationship that finds a certain familiarity, closeness.

Would it suffice to know Him in a deeply personal level?
Would it suffice to call Him, or to address Him “You” in prayer?

This closeness, this familiarity is not of the lovepalooza hype.
The You is not something that is thrown in the thin air.
It took on flesh – the Son of Man.
That is why this Son of Man, the Christ will “suffer greatly,
and be rejected by elders, the chief priests, and the scribes,
and be killed…”
The invitation is to be with this vulnerable, fragile human person.
The invitation is to be with this broken, defiled human being.
But this same person, broken and fragile,
remains obedient to the promptings of Abba, the Father:

For Abba “so loved the world that Abba gave us His only begotten Son…”

To believe in Christ…

is to BE with Christ;
and, to LIVE in Christ!

That is, to be with Him in Calvary that we may share the joys of His Resurrection.